Opening Night Mailbag

As Navin Johnson might say, were he a National Hockey League fan, "The new hockey season is here, the new hockey season is here!"  As the curtain goes up on the NHL's centennial season, I thought it was a good time to open up the old That's No Moon Mailbag to answer some questions submitted by actual Washington Capitals fans.

Hi Bryan, Do you think the Caps overpaid to keep T.J. Oshie in Washington?- Apprehensive in Alexandria

Thanks for the question, Apprehensive.  It's no secret that with all the departures (Williams, Alzner, Shattenkirk, MoJo),  there is real pressure on Oshie this season.  Sure, the team allegedly has two of the best players in the game (Ovi and Backstrom) and has two players that need to blossom further (Kuzy and Burky), but Oshie is the one that scored a big contract based on posting a career high in goals.  He is energetic, a talented grinder, and, by all accounts, a good guy for the locker room and the city.  Did the team overpay? Probably.  Did they need to in order to stave off full blown hysteria given all the other departures?  Probably.  However, when assessing contracts and deals of this nature I always defer to the D.C. resident known for making great deals, the best deals.  Rumor has it, while ignoring the real workings of the federal government, the big guy, in addition to pounding Big Macs and digesting Fox News, dabbles in fantasy hockey. I sent a quick message over to @hailtothecovfefe to see if he liked the Oshie signing.  I think his one word answer accompanying this picture message says it all: "Swish!"

Good morning Bryan, How mad do you think GMBM was when George McPhee selected Nate Schmidt in the expansion draft?-Worried in Warrenton

Good morning, Worried.  Who can tell?  I mean, GMBM's brow may have been slightly more furrowed and eyebrows more craggy, but again, who can tell?  These two photos show him on the happiest days of his career: when he was hired and when he found a Sidney Crosby voodoo doll in his Cracker Jack. I defy you to identify his emotions at any given time.

I think Schmidt's departure will hurt, though.  Is he the second coming of Bobby Orr? Of course, not.  But Nate was a serviceable defenseman on a great contract.  He had come into his own defensively, pushed the offense with his speed, and has that super smile.  Honestly, I think the Caps would have been better served to have kept their blue line intact last season, keeping Schmidtty in the lineup instead of acquiring Kevin "Putting the Shat In" Shattenkirk.  After watching the preseason, I think GMBM would take four Nate Schmidts for his blueline.

Dear Mr. Moon, I think a slimmed down Barry Trotz, a lighter Alex Ovechkin, and lowered expectations are the recipe for success this season.  I don't think the team's dropoff will be nearly as catastrophic as some doomsayers predict.-Optimistic in Odenton

No need to be so formal, Optimistic.  We're all just fans slurping from the same Gatorade water bottle here.  I think Barry Trotz is slimmer from all his time spent sweating on the hot seat this summer.  We can point to a dozen excuses   reasons, but the fact remains this team, built for a Cup or Bust, has underachieved the last two seasons.  Maybe Trotz's only flaw is having the hubris to think he could outrun this franchise's springtime curse.  Nonetheless, the pressure is on for Trotz to succeed.  I wish I shared your optimism in regards to potential dropoff.  If your definition of success is not becoming the Winnipeg Jets East, then maybe I agree.  I think the team is looking at a serious step backwards.  The division is tougher and other Eastern Conference teams like Ottawa and Toronto are on the rise.  I don't think the Caps can take for granted making the playoffs.  While they would make a dangerous low seed in the playoffs, I think they are going to have to grind it out just to get to April. I hope I'm wrong.

Who wins more games this season, Vegas or Washington?- Genuinely Curious in Georgetown

DON'T. EVEN. WANT. TO. THINK. ABOUT. IT.

Hello Bryan, When do you think Tom Wilson will get his head out of  his ass?-Frustrated in Frederick

Great question, Frustrated.  I'm split on how to answer this question. On one hand, I feel legitimate hitting and physicality is being drained from the game.  Clean hits are being penalized more frequently.  It seems every time a hard, clean check is delivered guys want to fight about it.  Sometimes you just lick your wounds, put your bucket back on, and keep skating.  I don't want Wilson to have his aggressiveness disciplined out of him by the league office.  Scott Stevens must puke when he sees the ways checking is penalized these days.  Or maybe that's the post-concussion syndrome.  Because that's really the other side of this, right?  As we learn much more about the lasting dangers of even minor head injuries, the NHL should be protecting players.  Bigger, faster players are damn near lethal weapons on skates. Dirty infractions should be penalized harshly.  Unfortunately, I think the league is wildly erratic in how they mete out justice.  Despite video explanation from the league office, I often find myself confused as to how punishment is imposed.  I no more know what is suspension-worthy in the NHL than I know what qualifies as a reception in the NFL these days.  That said, Wilson's hit for which he received his four game suspension was dirty and worthy of suspension.  Four games worthy, I don't know.  But Wilson has put himself in the unenviable spotlight  known as Repeat Offender.  He needs to figure out a middle ground.  His penalty killing and potential offensive growth are to important to Washington for him to spend half the season in the press box.



Yo Beezer, what is the maximum number of  games I can watch and still claim to "not care" about the Caps?-Kevin in Indiana.

*sigh*

Hey B, I drove by your house and saw the new Caps flag hanging from the porch.  When do you think the mighty Red Rockers get to hoist a real banner of their own?-Spying on you in Salisbury 

Well, I'm sure there will be the President's Trophy banner raised before Saturday's home opener.  And Uncle Ted probably already had a championship banner on order last Spring, so maybe they could just convert that into a First Round Champ banner for the rafters.  Or they could pick up the same flag I picked up for one dollar on clearance last June.  As for a real, genuine, Grade A, Stanley Cup winner banner?  Good luck predicting that. I now simply assume it will never happen.  That doesn't mean we can't enjoy the journey, though.  Let's not forget, we aren't quite reliving the days of Doig and Heward.  Of Nycholat and Clymer.  Of Hanlon and the Screaming Eagle in Cornflower Blue.  I'll take Kuzy, Holtbeast, the Great 8, and hope that springs eternal.

Rock the Red. Let's Go Caps!

Help, My Daughter Loves DUDE PERFECT!

My eight-year-old daughter, Grace, recently discovered the rabbit hole known as YouTube.  My wife and I let her access the kid's version and, like any of us, my kid now gets sucked into the stupefying array of videos available.  Some of the channels (watching others play with Barbies) are inane.  Some (cake-making tutorials or instructions for DIY fidget spinners) have inspired her to create.  Then there's Dude Perfect.  I discovered Dude Perfect when I heard a bunch of shouting coming from the television.  Dude Perfect, in case you are unfamiliar with the internet stars billing themselves as Five Best Friends and a Panda, are athletic trick shot artists (and a guy in a panda costume).  They film themselves making impossible golf and basketball shots, attempting to set Guinness records, and many more feats of athletic prowess.   The shouting I heard was from the elaborate, high-volume, theatrical celebrations of pulling off their latest stunt.  Lots of fist pumps and chest bumps.  Lots of mesh shorts and perfectly manicured beards.  More shouted Woooos than a Flair family reunion.  Quite the Bro-fest.  It seemed like some weird witch's brew of sports, party games, and Nickelodeon's Double Dare.  A Jackass for the G-rated set.

I quickly dismissed these Frat House Olympians as more self-promoting internet blowhards.  If Grace wants to check out blatant internet cries for attention, she can read this blog.  If she wants to witness a bunch of young, testosterone-fueled wannabe superstars trash talking each other, I can drop her at the intramural fields at the local university.  These millennial jocksniffers weren't going to poison my little girl's brain with their antics.  And, what's the deal with that panda?

I watched for a few minutes with the intention of making Grace change the channel when the current video was over.  Then I realized something between all the Bro Slo Mo and high-fives: these guys are awesome.  It's amazing what can happen when you don't judge a book by it's backwards ball cap.  The men of  Dude Perfect are actually living the dream.    These five guys have made an industry of screwing around on the playing field.  They are paid handsomely to hang out and do the goofy stuff my friends and I would putter around with after an afternoon of pick-up basketball or street hockey.  (Remember rollerbasketball or shopping cart races, fellas?) This is Letterman having pro QBs throwing footballs into the windows of moving taxis.  This is MJ and Larry shooting for Big Macs. These dudes have turned the playground challenge, "I bet you can't do this", into a full-time job.  Not only that, but after only a few minutes of actually watching, I figured out these guys are positive influences.  The trash talk is lighthearted, not mean-spirited.  The overzealous, borderline silly celebrations are just that - celebrations of a buddy's success.  Sure, there is a bit of "rah-rah, look at me", but it is all done with a wink.   They encourage and root for each other.  Plus, there is a lesson in perseverance.  I explained to Grace how many takes are probably required to nail the perfect shot or catch.  Not to mention the practice involved to be athletic enough to pull them off.  I would much rather Grace watch Dude Perfect than the rude children on most tween shows.  (I'm looking at you Jessie and Henry Danger.)  We've even started planning what events we could play at a Dude Perfect kid birthday party.  So, I apologize Dude Perfect.  Keep duding what you are duding.  And if you need an Old Dude, I'm ready to turn my ball cap backwards.