Redneck Rubberneckers

What is it that turns people into onlookers, bystanders, gawkers, rubberneckers? Amanda and I were outside tonight when we heard fire engines scream by one street over. The passing sirens proved too tempting so we hopped in the car and followed the billowing smoke plume that we spotted as soon as we turned the corner.

Was it simply curiosity or was it nosiness that pulled us into action? I certainly don't delight in someone else's misery(it was a business, by the way, and it sustained a bit of damage), yet without someone's misfortune there would have been no fire to excitedly chase. I'd love to think it's the journalistic instincts in me, but more likely it's just the fact that I wouldn't want "to miss out" or "not know what's going on". Of course, we were hardly alone in our pursuit. There were people flocking from everywhere. People taking pictures, mothers showing their children, and that one guy with the giant antenna on his truck who was probably sitting by his police scanner when he heard the call come over.

I do find it fascinating to watch the firemen do their job. I also always make it a point to drive or park away from the action to eliminate any possibilty of being in the way of any other arriving equipment. Some of my fellow gawkers are not so kind. I would hate to make a situation worse just because I had "to see what's going on".

We hardly ever do it, but when we do chase a fire engine, I always feel a little hinky about watching someone else's property burn.

Watch Out for Flying Pigs

He's not the first to make this suggestion, but Washington Post columnist Dan Froomkin has an interesting proposition for President Bush: Invite your critics, politicians or regular Joes, to debate you on the same stage. Break from the tired, scripted, made-for-tv debates and town hall meetings. I think it would be fantastic to see any politician, not just Bush, throw away the talking points and actually say something real, actually answer a question. Of course, I've seen enough real politics and watched enough West Wing to know this would never happen. Most debates and press conferences are as unscripted as WWF wrestling matches. In our sound-bite society politicians are afraid to say anything off the cuff that hasn't been scripted and examined carefully. I'm tired of politicians hand picking their softball questions. Let's see some real debate.

Where Have I Been?

So, I haven't posted in awhile. I thought about explaining that my job is a soul-sucking vampire that saps all my energy and creativity by the time I get home. I, however, have decided to tell what I've really been up to: I've been building an ark and filling it two by two with all the world's animals. Why? Because HURRICANE SEASON STARTS NEXT WEEK! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! After all, according to many headlines and newscast teases, now is the time to get ready. Don't be unprepared when disaster strikes! I have a feeling the hype-mongering talking heads in tv news will produce more wind and hot air than all of this season's hurricanes combined.

The hype machine is in full effect despite the fact that the "experts" are predicting this season to be milder than last.
Just a sampling of what I've seen:
A bad sign for the 2006 hurricane season: LA NINA IS BACK!

Expert has 'bad news', '06 could repeat '05.

My favorite: How would Palm Beach County cope if both a pandemic and hurricane hit?

Look, I know being prepared is good. I know much of Katrina's disaster was related to people being unprepared and general hurricane apathy. But this is simply one more way the tv news can drive up viewer anxiety. It boils down to this when preparing for a hurricane-Use common sense. Watch the weatherman, keep some batteries and supplies and be ready to evacuate if it heads your way. Of course, I won't have to worry about evacuating. We'll just batten down the hatches and hang out with the animals until it all blows over.

Life's Simple Pleasures, #42

Hearing the melodious notes of the ice cream man's musical truck at the exact moment you are thinking 'I could really go for some ice cream'.

This Week's Reason To Weep For America

Apparently, asking O.J. Simpson to fade quietly from the national conciousness is asking too much. Orenthal has produced a "Candid Camera"-like prank show dvd called "Juiced". Apparently, he punks people Ashton Kutcher-style including, in one sketch, posing as a car salesman selling a white Bronco by promoting its "escapability". Hilarious, no? This guy is unbelievable. What's sadder, however, is that I'm sure this steaming pile of dung will actually sell some copies. Oh, wait. Maybe I'm being too quick to judge; he's probably just going undercover in search of the real killers. Sorry, Juice. Carry on. Click here to read about it and watch a brief clip.

Life's Little Pleasures, #21

Hopping over the boards and hearing the ice crunch under your blades as you dig in and push off, scrambling to join the play.



Is it October yet?

Not-So-Tasty-Cakes

Okay, back to frivolous and ridiculous topics for posts. This post is based on an actual conversation my friends and I had some time ago. It was late, after a hockey game, there was probably beer involved.....

We somehow landed on the topic of urinal cakes. That's right, the pink, deodarizing, cylindrical thingies placed in men's room urinals to make them smell better and provide a target. Someone mentioned that such a product should not be labeled a cake because cakes are edible and delicious. (I submit that a urinal cake is neither.) Cupcake? Fine. Crab cake? Yummy. Birthday cake? Awesome. Urinal cake? Disgusting.

After much discussion (seriously) the only other inedible cake we could come up with was the soapcake and then we decided the urinal cake should be known as a urinal puck. So, I need some info: What else are urinal cakes called? What would be a better name? And for the sake of trivial discussion, are we missing any inedible cakes?

P.S. If the brain power of this group of friends could be harnessed for good instead of silliness we could change the world.

Darfur

Every once in a while a serious issue that bears talking about crosses my radar. Amanda hipped me to some of the websites regarding the atrocities occurring in Darfur. I have little tolerance for most celebrity causes, but I guess I'll give Oprah and George Clooney a little credit for trying to bring attention to what's going on over there. Government associated militias have basically declared war on the citizens leaving thousands dead or homeless. Murder, rape and kidnapping have become the norm. One story told of how the children walk from village to village at night because if they stay in their own village they'll be kidnapped and pressed into fighting. Another recounted how women will leave the village to do chores because they decide that getting raped is the better alternative to their husbands being murdered. Nice trade, huh?

http://www.invisiblechildren.com/ and http://www.savedarfur.com are two sites that give further background and show what some people are trying to do about the problem. Unfortunately, the only real solutions put forth (besides trying to raise "awareness") have been to send postcards to the President and Congress. Sounds like a drop in the bucket, yet I don't know what else we as individuals could do.

AHA! (Warning:Sarcastic Conspiracy Theory That I Don't Really Believe Alert)

I've finally figured it out. The whole oil/gas price "crisis" is nothing more than an elaborate plot to get Americans to drive slower. On our way to Baltimore we passed numerous state-run electronic highway signs that read "Slower Speed Saves Gas". What's next, raising the price of barbecued ribs so we'll cut down fewer trees for napkins?

Proof Americans Are Stupid:

Robin Williams' new movie, RV, was the top-grossing movie this weekend. Seriously? Has anyone seen the commercials for this dog? I remember a time when Robin Williams was funny, but there is no way this isn't the worst movie of all-time.

Life's Little Pleasures, #37

Shouting "O" with 30,000 of your closest friends during the National Anthem at Camden Yards.

Although, I was a bit dissapointed that the Anthem was sung in English. I thought for sure the "Nuestro Himno" would have debuted by now. Kidding, of course.

My lightsaber is bigger than yours.

Thanks to Steve for sending me the link to this Star Wars fan film. It's kind of cool. I'm posting it for my fellow Star Wars geeks. (I wear the label proudly. ) However, if you don't have at least some interest in Star Wars you should probably pass. For instance, I think Amanda was very bored, very early. She didn't make it through the second minute of the five minute movie short. Anyway, enjoy.

Welcome back, Lord Stanley.

A few brief observations after watching playoff hockey for the first time in two years:

-Double Overtime is still supercool.
-Jaromir Jagr is still a wuss.
-The Flyers Suck.
-You don't have to be a "big-name" goalie to be amazing in the playoffs.
-The Flames may lead the Ducks one game to none, but they are in a dead heat in the contest for the NHL's ugliest uniforms.

Here's hoping for eight more weeks of games as good as those we've seen over the first two days.

Why Outer Space? Because We Must.

I've been thinking about America's stagnant manned-flight space program, wondering if it is wise to continue funding it when so many people lack so many things. My answer, of course is a resounding yes. The case can be made that the space program leads to advances in technology and medicine or that we must learn if there is someone else "out there". But none of things are the real reasons we must advance the space program.

Whether we are alone in our vast universe or whether we have fellow citizens in a galactic civilization is irrelevant. We must continue to venture forth because that is the only way to sate the curious human spirit. We seek, we explore, we investigate. Like sailing west from a European seaport or staking a claim to land west of the Mississippi, we must continue pushing outward, searching for new information. We must never tire in our quest for adventure; we must never allow our thirst for knowledge to be quenched.

The price will steep; we will pay not just monetarily, but also with spilled blood and the hardship of the occasional failure. This, however, is a burden worth bearing. Let us be thankful that there is no shortage of men and women eager to be pioneers. Eager to thunder upward, ripping across the heavens, summoning equal parts courage and insanity. Each time they rocket into space, the perfect pairing of man and machine, our astronauts carry with them the hopes, and in some ways, the fates of an entire race. May we always be willing to peer into the darkness and reach, with fingers outstretched, for whatever is next.

Good God, What's That Smell?

This post has been brewing for awhile, but what I saw Thursday put me over the edge. As part of my new position at work I measure and estimate jobs in peoples' homes. I have been in some of the largest, fanciest homes on the river and I have been in some of the low-income, subsidized housing. It' s the latter that I'm going to discuss.

Some of the apartments and rental houses I have entered have been the dirtiest, nastiest places I have ever been. I cannot imagine living in the filth that some of these people live in daily. Believe me, I don't mean messy or dusty. Everybody's house needs some picking up or dusting now and again. I mean full-on foul living conditions. Food and trash strewn about, animal droppings, dirt, bugs. You name it. One house had a pitcher of kool-aid spilled on the floor which looked like it had been left there for a week, all congealed and sticky. I guess it was just walked around as if it were a piece of furniture. The outside is no better; the yards are filled with garbage. Trash that does make it into bags is just piled outside the back door not in the garbage can. I literally look at the ground the whole time I walk through these yards to make sure I don't step in something disgusting or dangerous.

I don't understand how people live like this. Have some dignity and self-respect and clean up after yourselves. These houses are not the nicest places, but I know that before a new tenant moves in the apartments are clean, freshly painted and usually newly carpeted. There is no excuse for them to be trashed like they often are. Now, I know that, fortunately, I make a higher income than these folks and maybe I'd react differently if I had to walk a mile in their shoes. But I don't think I would feel differently because this isn't an economic issue, it is "how you choose to live" issue. Many of the apartments I enter are tidy and clean despite the tenants being in the same income range as the tenants with filthy apartments. One of my co-workers says that you can't help it if you're poor, but you can help it if you're clean. (While I disagree with him that you can't help it if you're poor, that's a whole separate issue that can be discussed later.) I know some of these people probably struggle to put food on the table, but I believe even if I couldn't afford a single bar of soap I would still pick up my trash and sweep the floors. I couldn't bear to lay my head down to rest in some of these places.

Now that I've rambled long enough, let me quickly get to what happened Thursday to push me over the edge. I saw the foulest of the foul. While escorting me to a vacant apartment, the maintenance man warned me that the tenant had abandoned the apartment and "really trashed it". I joked to myself about what trashed meant since I have seen some pretty nasty stuff. I thought 'What did they pee on the floor or something?' Oh, it was worse than that. The odor struck me as soon as I hit the door and when I rounded the corner I saw at least two walls smeared with shit. Literally. That's right, feces, crap, human waste, ol' number 2. How disgusting is that? I quickly turned on my heel and told the man I'd measure from the outside. I just don't get it. Can anybody explain this kind of behavior to me?

Dropping the Anchor

[Side note before I even get started-Could my titles be any cheesier?]

Since the announcement that Katie Couric will take over as CBS Evening News anchor I have read and heard comments about whether a woman should be/could successfully be a network news anchor. People question whether a woman has the neccesary "gravitas". Even Walter Cronkite sidestepped the question by saying that men make really good anchors(I'm paraphrasing). What a bunch of hogwash. There are countless women qualified to anchor the evening news. Truthfully, I don't care who delivers the news as long the news is timely and relevant. (Actually, I suppose the real truth is that I don't care who anchors the evening news because I don't watch the evening news. It's much easier to get news and info from the internet, 24 hour news channels or (gasp!) the newspaper. Long gone are the days of anchormen being the rocks we lean on in a time a national crisis. )

I think where Couric should be carefully examined (and, woo, wouldn't that be fun) is her credibility as an experienced journalist. I think those who do watch the evening news want an anchor that has the experience of being on the frontlines (literally and figuratively) of the stories they report. I don't know much about Couric's experience before she became co-pilot of the Today Show fluffmobile, but I think her candy-coated, Macy's parade hostess persona doesn't do it for some people. BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN, LARRY KING, THAT A WOMAN CAN'T HOST THE NETWORK NEWS. Now, excuse me while I go watch reruns of last night' s Daily Show and The Colbert Report because their pseudo-news is funnier than the real stuff.

Big Monday

Today is a pretty sweet day for sports fans: It's baseball's opening day(the Orioles actually won and ESPN must have six games on), there's two hockey games on TV (including a physical, playoff intensity game between the Caps and Canes) and tonight March Madness wraps up with the national championship game. Although, if tonight's game is no better than Saturday's semi-final snoozefests I'll be in bed long before CBS cues "One Shining Moment".

Also, kudos to OLN for remembering that part of selling the NHL's future is celebrating it's past. Tonight, they showed a nice feature on Montreal legend Jean Beliveau. He is great player that I didn't know much about. Their piece will lead me to read more about him.

I'll Take One New Bladder To Go, Please

The ever-accelerating field of medical science continues to fascinate me. I just read this article about engineered organs that is really cool. Using a patient's own cells (taking organ rejection out of the equation) doctors are growing a new, properly functioning bladder. ( Perhaps Killer could put an order in for a larger one so our road trips didn't include such frequent stops.) I do find growing organs in petri dishes a little creepy, but I marvel at and applaud the advances we have made.

The Human Side Of Immigration

I've checked out of sick bay and returned to the bridge. To be less dorky, I'm finally beginning to break the grip of the cold/flu that has kicked my ass for over a week. I'm glad to have the energy to do something besides drag myself to and from work. So, on that note...

I never (well, hardly ever) claim to have all the answers and the immigration issue is no different. I see valid reasoning on both sides of the argument. My maternal grandparents emmigrated from Ecuador and ,sixty-some years later, are still proud that they became American citizens. In a way I find undocumented workers disrespectful to my grandparents and all others who did it "the right way" . As always, the answer lies somewhere in between the two extreme sides of the argument. I know that we can't leave things as they are, but I also know it doesn't do much good to round up all the "illegals", toss them out and build a heavily armed moat. However, I will leave the problem solving to deeper thinkers than I. I want to talk about what I feel has been missing from most of the punditry, commentary, expertise, etc on this debate: Compassion.

I believe Chris mentioned it briefly in his post and a Washington Post columnist wrote about it today, but other than that I haven't seen much mention of the fact that the people we are talking about are just that: people. Most of the millions of undocumented workers who risk everything to even reach the States are decent hard-working people. They are simply trying to carve out a better life for themselves. While it is true that they can be a burden to the system, we musn't forget that these folks are humans, not some statistics to be manipulated. They have hopes, dreams and fears like the rest of us. They also have a stronger work ethic and kinder manner than a lot of US citizens I know.

I have worked closely with both Mexican and Chinese immigrants in the past. Most of them left their families for years at a time so they could earn higher wages. I've often heard one side of a tearful phone conversation as these guys spoke briefly with their faraway families. (I never understood much of the Chinese conversations, but you could get the gist.) I know that most of the guys worked long hours, lived in crowded apartments and and sent the bulk of their paycheck home. I don't think I would have the balls to leave my family, travel across an ocean or a dangerous desert just to work some crappy job. I respect them for that. I also always enjoyed talking and joking with them and listening to some of their stories of home. I think it helps to dig a little deeper and get some more of the story. Like a homeless person or a drug addict, these workers are not two-dimensional stereotypes. Now I'm not saying I'm going to throw money at every panhandler(far from it), but it doesn't mean I can't volunteer at a shelter or help a homeless guy get a warm meal in the dead of winter. Likewise with the undocumented workers; we must look a little deeper and convey our respect and dignity for these people who are looking to improve their lot.

This Is How Much I Love My Wife...

I love my wife so much that I, despite my better judgment, the 40 degree temps and howling winds, I stood in line outside with her for 35 minutes today. What for, you ask? Was it for concert tickets? A movie opening, perhaps? No, we joined the legion of morons standing in line to buy ice cream at the Grand Opening of the Coldstone Creamery in Salisbury. Amanda heard the ice cream was great and I'm always game for a sundae, so we rode up there to investigate. I wanted to make a u-turn as soon as I saw the line extending into the parking lot, but Amanda (whose patience is exponentially greater than mine) convinced me to stay. I couldn't believe how long the line was. I doubt the grand opening of a library or a museum would have attracted so much attention. So yes, in the time it took us to make our way through the line to place our order we COULD HAVE DRIVEN TO THE COLDSTONE CREAMERY IN OCEAN CITY and gotten our ice cream there.

But, surely Bryan, it was worth the wait wasn't it? After all, Coldstone Creamery has the greatest ice cream in all the land.

Riiiiiiiight. The fine folks at Coldstone could have won me over had the product lived up to advance billing. Alas, it did not. We had two different people make our cones(or waffle bowls or whatever the heck they call them), so we compared notes when we got to the register. Even though we ordered the same size, Amanda had at least twice as much ice cream as I did. (And it wasn't like she was overloaded, mine was woefully inadequate. ) But, like Killer likes to point out, society has become more accepting of incompetence so I kept my mouth shut. (My gut won't exactly miss the extra scoop anyway.) Then came the cherry-on-top of our trip: The total bill, even with our promotional buy one, get one free coupon, was $7.07. Which means one of two things-either the cashier didn't apply the discount properly or I PAID $7 FOR AN ICE CREAM CONE!

Finally, I would like to say that I am very fortunate that my life is going so well that this is the kind of thing that I bitch about. I know many people have real problems. I may in fact be the world's youngest curmudgeon. I simply wanted to point out that today I was King of the Morons.