Be Careful Condi......

Cracked up tonight when I heard a newscaster use the phrase- Condeleeza Rice "is on a diplomatic mission to Lebanon." Well, Madam Secretary, if this is a consular ship then WHERE IS THE AMBASSADOR? I really cracked up thinking about Dubya and VP Dick donning Stormtrooper uniforms to rescue Condi from the detention block.

You Are Not Fooling Anybody.

I crack up everytime I hear a PR guy or press secretary for a government agency or business try to soften the blow of bad news by spinning it like crazy or using hokey euphemisms. I know there are countless examples; I heard my new favorite today. It was reported today that the US government does not want to call the exodus of US citizens from Lebanon an "evacuation". Instead, they are calling it an "assisted departure". What kind of silly BS is that? We are not stupid. I think we can call helmeted 4-year-olds running for Army helicopters an "evacuation". An assisted departure is when the limo driver puts your luggage in the trunk for you. An assisted departure is when the doorman hails you a cab. Normal people looking scared shitless while riding in a helicopter or while boarding a cruise ship turned escape pod is not an assisted departure. Mr. G-Man genius who coined this term-Relax, it's okay to call it what it is. Some US citizens got caught in a bad situation and you're doing the best (?) you can to help them. Just be truthful, you are not fooling anyone, nor do you have to.

BREAKING NEWS: THE EARTH IS NOT FLAT!

Is anybody else fed up with cable news and their incredible hype machine mentality?. Lately I've tuned in on my lunch hour to see what's going on in the Middle East and to maybe catch some of the White House press briefing, which I really enjoy. (I know, I'm a nerd.) It seems now that every time I turn on FoxMSHardball360HeadlineWolfBlitzerHappyHour I'm greeted with the ubiquitous BREAKING NEWS graphic splashed across the screen. Let's get this straight: Israel and Hezbollah blowing exploding kisses at each other for the eighth straight day is not breaking news, it's just news. How about saving the BREAKING NEWS banner for when new, important, situation altering info is acquired. You are not "breaking news" if you tell your viewers something they already know or have been watching for hours.

BREAKING NEWS: Tucker Carlson is still a dope even without the bowtie. Duh.

BREAKING NEWS: Angelina Jolie is hot. Duh.

BREAKING NEWS: This post has run on quite long enough. Double Duh.

Hungry? How 'Bout a Knuckle Sandwich

I'm not sure how to feel about the Caps adding Donald Brashear. He is a true goon and tough guy who has played dirty at times in his career. He has, in the past, taken stupid penalties that have put his team in trouble. However, the last couple of years he has really developed his overall game, becoming a stronger offensive player. He will deliver plenty of big, clean hits that can be momentum changers.

All the great players throughout the history of the game have had a tough guy riding shotgun for them. Now Alex Ovechkin has a little protection. And to paraphrase Caps GM George McPhee - fights aren't a great part of the game, but if you are going to have one you might as well win it. Let's hope this move works.

I'm starting to get pumped about next season. The Caps have speed (Ovechkin, Zednick), grit(Clark, Brashear), youth and a strong work ethic. Maybe the puzzle pieces are starting to fit together somewhat.

Butch, Who Is Zed?.............Zed's Back, Baby, Zed's Back.

The Caps re-acquired Richard Zednik in a trade with The Canadiens. The Caps parted with only a third round draft pick. I know Zednik's production has been so-so, but it will be good to have another finisher besides Ovechkin. He's only thirty, packs some potential offensive punch, and, if he doesn't work out, is a free agent after the coming season. Plus he has had some kick- ass haircuts. Good move, McPhee. Now how about a center and real defenseman?

Simplified Spelling Society

After first seeing the story about the Simplified Spelling Society on this morning's news I was ready to rant on them big-time. In my quick-to-judge manner I assumed they were some new-fangled organization dedicated to aiding the lazy, contributing to the dumbing down of America. I have long said, somewhat overdramatically, that we, as a society, will be doomed by the shorthand and emoticons used in e-mail, text and instant messages. Capital letters, puncuation and using complete words seems only vaguely required. I remain convinced that in the near future teenagers won't be able to communicate in complete sentences. So when I heard about a group wanting to overhaul the English language so that all words were spelled phonetically I was dubious of their motives. I understand English is filled with silly rules and seemingly arbitrary exceptions to those rules. But I think that is part of the beauty of the language. God forbid we had to use our brains a little to learn it.

My anger was tempered a bit when I actually went to the group's website. The society was actually formed in 1908 (Don't ask me why Channel 47 was talking about it this morning; though I suppose relevance has rarely been Channel 47's strong suit. [Except for Rob O. No offense meant to you, my friend.]). The website mentions their aims of making spelling easier so that kids can use brain power to learn other stuff. They also explain why certain words are spelled certain ways (the printing press, the Norman Conquest of 1066, the Renaissance, blah, blah, blah.) The website is mildly interesting and I see where they are coming from, but to me their arguments just aren't compelling enough to make wholesale changes. I'd love to know what the rest of you think. Is this concept ridiculous or a worthy cause?

Serious Fireworks

I was happy to see the space shuttle Discovery safely reach orbit yesterday, but I don't quite understand one thing about NASA's plan. They announced that if Discovery sustained damage that would prevent safe re-entry that Atlantis was ready to be launced for a rescue pick-up mission. Surely I can't be the only one that realizes that Atlantis would be subject to incurring the same type of tile damage, can I? What happens, then? Who rescues the rescuers? I haven't watched the news today, so hopefully the crew's visual inspection of the tiles renders these questions moot. It just seems to me that NASA makes less and less sense all the time.

As a side note, it never gets old watching the shuttle blast into space. We watched it on Fox News which switched over to the NASA feed. Hearing NASA's official voice check off the telemetry was cool. At one point that thing was moving over 14,ooo MPH. That's difficult to comprehend. Not bad for something running on 70's technology. Imagine the possibilities when free trade and modern technology reach for the stars.

Oh, Captain, My Captain.

Captain Jeff Halpern left the Capitals Thursday, signing a four-year, $8 million contract with the Dallas Stars. While I'll miss Halpern, I don't blame the Caps for not paying him that kind of money. He is a solid player, but I don't think he is worth two million per, nor would I invest a four year deal in him. If I were Halpern, already living a dream being the captain of my hometown team, I would consider staying just so I could play with the dynamic Ovechkin. On the other hand, the Stars are closer to being Cup contenders and thsi is a major payday for someone who entered the league as an undrafted free agent.

As far as the Caps' future I'm not sure that Halpern will be as easily replaced as many might think. Halpern was excellent on faceoffs, strong in his own zone and brought fan appeal because he was a local. He also played hard every night, including playing through serious injury and family tragedy. I wish him good luck in Dallas.

I hope GM George McPhee has a plan because right now this team is terribly thin up the middle. I'd like to see some Free Agent money flow out of DC a bit.

Stevie Wonder

Congrats to Motown legend Steve Yzerman for retiring with the class and dignity that he displayed during his 22 seasons as a member of the Detroit Red Wings. Yzerman could have hung on for another season with Detroit, or perhaps another team, but chose to bow out now near the top of his game. Yes, he had been slowed by knee injuries and was pushed to the third line, but Yzerman was still a valuable contributor. It is refreshing (and a bit surprising) to see a player spend his entire lengthy career with the same team.

You can make the case that Yzerman is one the most underrated players in NHL history. He surely has enjoyed noteriety, but he is rarely mentioned when people discuss the greats of the game. A check of the stats shows that clearly he should be, though. 692 goals(I think that's 8th all-time), 1063 assists, 1 Selke trophy, 1 Conn Smythe trophy, an astounding 20 years as Red Wings captain, 10 all-star appearances, and most importantly 3 trips around the rink hoisting the Stanley Cup. An incredible offensive scorer early in his career, Yzerman improved his defensive game (to the detriment of his offensive numbers) and subsequently led the Wings to three championships. He is a by all accounts a team-first guy who never rocked the boat and has been great, giving citizen of Detroit during his stay. All young players in the NHL should look to Stevie Y as an example of the way you should behave on and off the ice.

Faster Than A Speeding Bullet, More Powerful Than A Locomotive, More Boring Than...

A and I saw "Superman Returns" last night and I'd have to say it was good, but not great. To call it boring is unfair, although parts of it did drag. (It's never a good sign when you look at your watch during the movie.) Between Batman, Spiderman, the depressing X-Men and now Superman I'm a little weary of superhero angst. I know they are trying to keep these stories fresh, but at times this film played more like an episode of Desperate Superheroes than a summer blockbuster.

There was, however, plenty to love about it. It was, of course, visually spectacular and the action sequences were by far the best parts. The best move the filmmakers made was to keep John Williams' original theme. I think the style of the opening credits was lifted from the original, too; if not, they were still suitably '70s. And, ladies, A says that the actor that plays Superman is "hot". Kate Bosworth/Lois Lane was looking pretty hot herself.

The other thing I found interesting is that there is plenty of subtext in the movie that hints at the whole Superman is Jesus Christ connection that has always been talked about. If you are looking for it there are plenty of allusions to it in the movie. Although, I suppose you can read a lot into just about anything. As Ben Kenobi tells Luke, the truth depends on your point of view.

Anyway, I'd say if you're interested in checking it out, I would definitely see the movie on the big screen. There are a couple of scenes worth the effort. This one was pretty good, but I still would love to see Kevin Smith's vision for the character.