Fight Night.

At the bookstore we have quite a diverse mix of employees so there are always interesting conversations to wander in and out of. I'd like your input on one we had last night. If you could fight anyone dead or alive who would it be? Actually, pick one dead and one alive. The debate hinged on whether you would want to fight someone who would be a true challenge or someone who really needed an ass-beating. A sampling of answers from last night:



Andy Warhol- because it was just a damn soup can!
Hannibal - because he was a badass who rode elephants and would be a tough draw
Donald Trump and Ann Coulter -for general obnoxiousness
Hitler- obvious (but too easy an answer)

I almost had one guy convinced that I would pick Orville Redenbacher because my family started Jiffy Pop and our empire would have been larger if not for that kindly old popcorn peddler.

My alive pick is Jared from Subway. How many calories in this knuckle sandwich?

My dead pick is Elvis Presley. Jumpsuits, jack?

Some Laughs.

Rarely do comic strips make me laugh out loud, but both of these got me to do more than smile yesterday. Thought I'd share:

F.Y.I

After hearing that Michael Chertoff had a "gut feeling" that Bin Laden's boys will attack this summer That's No Moon did a little digging and found that Chertoff had actually leaked part of Homeland Security's new terror threat level chart. I am now able to reveal the new system in its entirety. From lowest threat assessment level to highest:

Chertoff "Heard from a Guy"

Chertoff "Has a Gut Feeling"

Chertoff "Has Goosebumps"

Chertoff "Has the Willies"

Chertoff "Wants His Mommy"

Vick Not Guilty - Yet.

P.E.T.A needs to start thinking about the ethical treatment of people, as in, remembering that Michael Vick is innocent until proven guilty. Sure, the circumstantial evidence seems quite damning and the list of his past transgressions is pretty long, but he has not been convicted of anything. Don't get me wrong-I think Mike Vick is a an idiot (flipping off his fans, trying to smuggle his bong on a plane, using a fake name to get herpes medicine) and an overated quarterback. I just can't stand the way P.E.T.A. jumps at the opportunity to soak up media attention. They are boycotting Falcons camp and calling on the NFL to discipline Vick when the facts aren't fully known. Dogfighting is dispicable and Vick is quite likely guilty to some, if not a large, degree, but P.E.T.A needs to back off for now. They will likely have a full opportunity to tune Vick up when the facts are revealed.

Red, Red Rain.

I guess I'm moving to China. First, cardboard filled biscuits and now-they can control the weather . Cloud seeding, which apparently has a history of mixed success, will be used to induce pregnant clouds to deliver raindrops prior to the Olympic opening ceremonies, leaving nothing but pollution-free blue skies. At least that's the plan. Chinese scientists claim great success using silver iodide to help raindrops form, others are dubious. Oh, excuse me, I've just been handed this note-my dying, brown grass would like to know where we keep the silver iodide. Anyway, I think we should send in James Bond to stop these diabolical, weather altering mad men at the Beijing Weather Modification Office. Or perhaps, I'll open an umbrella stand when I get to there.



As an aside, the article also contains my new favorite quote "A heavy downpour will be impossible to combat."

It's Over.

You don't have to be Brit "Somebody, please take the stick out of my ass" Hume or Tim "I just ate an entire turkey" Russert to know that the '08 presidential race is over. With Oprah's endorsement of, and September fundraiser for, Barack Obama, this race is over. The Oprah Effect makes the next 15 months of campaigning irrelevant. (or as Killer's principal says, irrevelant). I've watched in awe as Oprah has catapulted bad to mediocre books to a seemingly permanent perch on the best seller list.

Now, obviously, I'm being sarcastic and ,obviously, presidential candidates are far different than books, but don't underestimate Oprah or the power she holds with her sheep. She has the power to tap into a group of people that may not regularly vote. If she really marshalled all of her forces she would have quite a platform from which to hypnotize, er, I mean promote. Of course, if Obama wants to really seal the deal, he'll not just attend her fundraiser, he'll invite her to join his ticket.

Another Movie Review Haiku

Transformers

Prime cool, rest were lame
Met my low expectations
Mike Bay makes me sad

Movie Review Haiku

Live Free Or Die Hard

Big bangs, Bruce looks old
Implausible action scenes
Silly popcorn fun

This Bun Tastes Like Cardboard.

That's because it IS cardboard. Remind me to brownbag my lunch when I'm in Bejing for the Olympics next year. From the Washington Times:


"In the report aired Wednesday night, China Central Television showed a shirtless, shorts-clad bun maker in Beijing using cardboard picked up off the street to stuff his steamed buns.
A hidden camera followed the man into a ramshackle building where steamers were filled with the fluffy white buns, called baozi, traditionally stuffed with minced pork.
It showed how cardboard was first soaked to a pulp in a plastic basin of caustic soda — a chemical base commonly used in manufacturing paper and soap — then chopped into tiny morsels with a cleaver. Fatty pork and powdered seasoning were stirred in as flavoring and the concoction was stuffed into the buns."



If you like, check the rest of the article here-http://washingtontimes.com/article/20070713/BUSINESS/107130046/1006