I used to think God's greatest gift to man, besides life itself, was perhaps forgiveness. Now, I'm convinced it's the shopping mall. That's right, radiant stone and glass monuments to retail gorging and American over-indulgence. I've had some time to kill the last few days so I have popped into the mall for a couple minutes each of the last two days and man, has it been great. I love to people watch and the mall is second to only the boardwalk for pure finger-pointing people watching.
Seriously, what other circus crams so much under one tent? You have your power walkers flailing their way to fitness, kids on leashes and mothers and daughters engaged in a contest to see who can dress hipper (and by that I mean sluttier). And what about the merchandise? Kiosks overflowing with remote control helicopters, NFL car floormats and even hot dogs wrapped in pretzels make you dizzy with the possibilities.
I do, however, have one beef with malls. Every clothing store now seems more like a niteclub than retail establishment. They all have tiny, dark openings, a thumping techno beat and smell like an AXE body spray factory. Is it supposed to be mysterious? What's the mystery about high prices and clothes I can't fit into? I'm surprised there is not a velvet rope and a bouncer crossing me off his clipboard because my waistline is too large. However, being waved on by the opening to Garage or Forever 21 is hardly enough to keep me from being a mall rat every so often.
Which mall?
ReplyDeleteI don't think there are that many niteclub stores in our mall -- there's Hollister, which I don't think even had a name on the outside for months, and which I still have no incentive to enter. I guess I never got sucked into the AXE tractor-beam (sorry Bryan, but I don't think AXE is supposed to work on dudes).
Our Forever21 seems to be quite open an accessible -- but no, I haven't gone in. I have pondered the mannequins in the front displays though -- I'm certain they have 12" waists. Might as well be selling eating disorders.
In this case I was referring to the Annapolis Mall. Like you I have no incentive to go in whether inviting or not, I just got a kick out some of the doorways including, now that I think about it, the Under Armour store. It was really dark and I think the opening is supposed to be like a tunnel running out to the football field. It is dark enough inside that I kinda had to let my eyes adjust. I took two steps in and turned around. My curiosity was sated and Lord knows I don't need any snug fitting clothing.
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