Thursday, December 03, 2009

Just Do Her. And Her. And Her.

Many questions have been asked and debated regarding the Tiger Woods marital situation. Are his "transgressions", as he calls them, news? Does Tiger deserve less privacy simply because he is a highly-paid product endorser? Will his endorsers stand by him? How will his golf game be affected? Has he given new meaning to "playing in a foursome"? All these questions might make great fodder for sports talk radio, but I'm generally uninterested. I don't buy Gillette products because Tiger plugs them, I prefer my newscast to be filled with news not TMZ infotainment and I couldn't care less whether Tiger and his wife stay together or not. I do, however, have one thing to say to Tiger, who has said that he was "dismayed" by the media reaction- The one sure way to not have to discuss your infidelity in public is to not cheat on your wife.

I don't care if Tiger Woods, David Letterman,the governor of South Carolina or my neighbor down the street want to bang cocktail waitresses all across the globe, I just don't think they should do it while married. I'm tired of hearing guys excuse infidelity because It's biological. I'm innately programmed to spread my seed to further the species. Look, if Tiger wants to dump his multicultural, supercompetitive, ultrafocused DNA in/on/near strip club hostesses then he shouldn't have gotten married. I don't begrudge a billionaire superstar wanting to take advantage of some of the "perks" of fame and fortune, but nobody forced him to make a vow. I mean, how awful for him to be stuck with one gorgeous blond Swedish nanny for the rest of his life. America weeps for him.

4 comments:

  1. Anonymous12:45 AM

    from a strictly biological/DNA/perpetuating-the-gene perspective, you pretty much have to get married. the biological drive is not just to cast your seed far and wide, but to have it result in offspring. marriage is the best (only?) way to ensure offspring.

    I always figured it would end there because for some reason I thought Tiger was kind of a dork. maybe it's just Tim Meadow's buck-toothed Tiger impersonation... I mean sure, golf can be an athletic pursuit (not the way I play it), but it's not the toughest sport in the world. (whoops; is it a "sport"?)

    and that Norwegian wife of his is an identical twin... let that sink in for a minute. now your 'foursome' takes on a whole life of it's own....

    ReplyDelete
  2. st4bux-
    If you're saying that because birth control/abortion are less likely to occur then I agree that marriage may be the best way to ensure offspring, though some of my seven-kids-by-five-different-women friends in the NBA may disagree that it is the only way.

    Your second point illustrates what we all often seem to forget-that we don't know these celebrities even a little bit. Despite all the entertainment news that is devoured on a daily basis, I don't really know if Tiger (or George Clooney or Terrell Owens,etc) is an a-hole, a choir boy or the father of the year.

    Finally, I had no idea Elin was an identical twin. Even hotter.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Brian, I think the media was a bunch of a-holes and should have left him alone. I'll never say its okay to cheat on your wife/husband, but I think celebrities, sports stars, politicians and any other public person I've forgotten should be allowed some space and privacy to be human while they get through what is obviously a difficult time. It is none of my business, or the business of anyone else for that matter, if the man is running around on his wife.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Couples should have more respect for each other. Famous or not.

    ReplyDelete