Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Hey, you got your bacon in my chocolate. No, you got your chocolate on my bacon.

This past weekend, thanks to my awesome aunt, I found a new snack treat - Chocolate Covered Bacon.  I'm not sure why it took me so long to discover this fistful of candy-dipped amazingness.  Chocolate Covered Bacon.  It tastes as good as it sounds.  And it sounds like a song Beethoven and Mozart composed together for Jimi Hendrix to play on a magic guitar.  If you don't think it sounds good then I'm not sure I want to be your friend.  Because if you don't think it sounds good, you are ignoring a couple of undeniable truths:that Bacon is delicious and that Bacon is the most versatile food on Earth.  No other food comes close.  Think about it.  Breakfast, lunch, dinner.  Condiment, dessert, sex toy. 

Bacon makes everything better.  No food packs the culinary variety of Bacon.  Maybe cheese.  Maybe.  Some will say bread; I'm not buying it.  Sure there is fresh bread, bread pudding, garlic bread, but it doesn't stack up to bacon.  What do they call the straightest, most boring, least rhythmic honkey in the neighborhood?  Whitebread.  What used to be standard prison fare?  Bread and water.  If they served prisoners Bacon and water, people would be lining up for their stripes and ankle chains.

And the noble Bacon is humble in its versatility.  It is content being the star (Nobody has ever called it an LTB.), a co-star (Bacon and eggs!) or a sidekick (crumbled over anything, thereby making that thing even tastier).  Jules Winnfield may be a Bad MF-er, but he is flat wrong about the pig (and hairstyle choice).  Pound for pound, Bacon is the king of all foods.  And a pound of it sounds great right about now.

4 comments:

  1. Anonymous10:59 PM

    Gonna start callin you heart-attack-man. I can hear that heart chuggin all the way down here.

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  2. hmmm...OK, I know I am of the "older generation" but I have been around the block a time or two (ok maybe 1/2 way around) but bacon as a sex toy!!!! Now I need to hear "the rest of the story"

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  3. Anonymous5:45 PM

    Bryan can make a sex toy out of any kind of food. I caught him one time doing this "thing" with a hot dog bun. And there was talk of rolled up slices of pizza...the grease making for excellent lube.

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  4. Aunt Mary8:59 AM

    Hahaha...you are welcome.

    ReplyDelete