2020 Vision

Happy Anniversary!  On this day last year, Drunk America staggered from the voting booth, covered in Cheeto dust and remorse, to make the long walk of shame.  It was a landmark day with seismic implications. The victor, our nation's new public face to the world, possesses a cringe-worthy degree of decorum akin to a fart at a funeral.  His vanquished oppponent, so certain coronation day would have all the suspense of a Hallmark Channel Christmas movie, couldn't even find the class to deliver a concession speech, instead leaving her disbelieving supporters to weep together in an auditorium stunned into silence. (Which, by the way, was quite a fun scene to behold. Unfortunately, most of the joy of the moment was robbed by the realization the moment could only occur because Donald Trump had actually been elected.)  What the hell happened? How did we actually elect a childish, boorish, id-driven, insult-tossing pig-man President of THESE United States? 

There's plenty of blame to go around, of course.  A conventional Republican field, meek in the face of his insults and lies, was paralyzed by the swinging dick bravado of Trump the Outsider.  A Democratic Party that, whether by sinister design or not, selected a general election candidate despised by a good chunk of the electorate. Let's face it, soooo many Trump votes were anti-Hillary votes.   The Republicans could have selected The Demogorgon to oppose Hillary and many people would have said, "Oh, I think the Upside Down looks like a delightful place." We can also blame a powerful self-perpetuating two party system that chokes out the chances of legitimate third party challengers. 

Which brings me to the factor I blame the most: me.  I'm not usually one to dwell on the past, wallowing about mistakes, pondering what might have been. (Actually, that's exactly who I am.) However, I have to look upon my failed candidacy with a critical eye. The questions are myriad. Were the pants too red? Did I make the campaign buttons too late in the game? Should I have left my goofy mug off of said buttons? Surely, my third party bid didn't fail because I am grossly unprepared to be President. That sin doesn't seem to be a disqualifying factor any longer, does it?

I don't know exactly how I would have performed if elected, but I have reflected upon how I would have handled some circumstances encountered by our Tweeter-in-Chief.  I would grant interviews to networks other than Faux News and CBN. I wouldn't wait days to make  a canned statement I didn't really believe in the wake of the Charlottesville violence.  I would refrain from insulting war heroes and war widows alike. I wouldn't assume kneeling during the national anthem is disrespecting the troops.  I would keep the FBI director.  I would not host a bogus, photo-op cabinet meeting to demand fealty from my secretaries. (Maybe cupcakes, but never blind loyalty.) I would seek to reassure and aid the citizens of Puerto Rico. I would not Twitter bicker with members of my own party or the crazy kid across the Pacific.  Yes, I would have done a few things differently.  Alas, the past is past. We don't get mulligans in election years. After all, it is only hindsight that is 20/20.

Speaking of 2020, in a not-at-all forced segue, I'm once again ready for action.  On this infamous anniversary, I hereby officially declare my 2020 presidential campaign has begun.  If you are one of the three people who voted for me last year, I hope I can count on your support again.  To you other 200 million registered voters, I say, "Welcome aboard the Ever Forward Express. It's time to right some wrongs."  Campaign donations in the form of cash, checks, or chicken wings can be made directly to @Hailey4America.
#EverForward #NeverTooEarly #BreaksOver