Capitals Assemble!

It was 1992. I know because I looked it up to double check my memory.  1992 was the first time the Caps blew a 3-1 series lead to the Penguins.  Then they did it again in 1995. Sure, they first lost to the Pens in the postseason in 1991, but it was those blown leads in '92 and '95 that really built my hatred for the men in black. The subsequent Shakespearean tragedies (Nedved, Gonchar falling in OT, Bonino, seemingly a hundred other moments) have cemented that hatred.  Watching Lemeiux and Crosby hoist the Cup (the Pens have eliminated the Caps in each of the seasons Pittsburgh has won the Cup) makes it that much worse.  Nearly thirty years of soul-draining, head-scratching, heart-wrenching beatdowns.

So they meet again.  Pittsburgh gunning for their third straight elimination of Washington and their third straight Stanley Cup.  Washington looking to somehow rip the black and gold monkey from their back.  About the same time the puck drops for Game One tomorrow night, Marvel's Avengers Infinity War hits theaters.  The film's villain, Thanos, is a big, purple, Grimace-on-steroids dude.  I can't think of a more apt avatar for Sidney Crosby than a purple-headed, penis-looking villian.  And the Capitals will have to "assemble" their greatest effort yet in order to "avenge" three decades of misery.  To save the galaxy beat Pittsburgh, Washington will have to defeat Crosby/Thanos and his sycophantic minions LeTang, Murray, Referees, and Pierre Maguire.  In a fun exercise, I decided to cast our hockey heroes as their Marvel counterparts.  More knowledgeable comic fans, please feel free to correct me or weigh in.

Alex Ovechkin as Iron Man: The Russian Machine is the wealthiest, flashiest, arguably most important leader of the Capitals, outfitted with the heaviest weapons. As Ovie goes, so do the Caps.

T.J. Oshie as Captain America: Duh

Nick Backstrom as Vision: Nicky has the quiet, cool demeanor of artificial intelligence transplanted in a sentient being. And, of course, the name just fits as he has terrific on-ice "vision."

Tom Wilson as The Hulk: The Caps need a lot of smash from #43, but they also need Wilson to channel Bruce Banner's smarts when deciding when to dance.

Dimitri Orlov as Black Widow:  A slick Russian operative capable of acrobatic moves and putting an opponent flat on his back.  No word on how good he looks in a black leather jumpsuit.

Devante Smith-Pelly as Hawkeye: Not the most popular Avenger, nor possessing superpowers, Smith-Pelly has had a knack for being a sniper blasting his top shelf target at just the right moment.  What, you thought he had to be Black Panther because he is the only black player on the Caps?

Braden Holtby as Black Panther: To defeat the Pens, Holtby will need to be as impenetrable as T'Challa's Wakandan armor.

Matt Niskanen as Bucky Barnes: A former enemy becomes an ally.  In his third series against his old mates, can Nisky be a difference maker?  Plus Winter Soldier is a cool nickname for a hockey player.

Evgeny Kuznetsov as Dr Strange:  Kuzy's magic hands make him a wizard with the puck.

Jakub Vrana as Spider-Man: The speedy youngster has the opportunity to play a small, but pivotal role in the action.

Jay Beagle as Ant Man:  A fourth-liner in a small role becomes a giant on the PK and at the face off dot.

Lars Eller as Thor: Okay, he might not be the God of Thunder, but he brought the hammer in OT helping slay the giant Bobrovsky and he IS Scandinavian.

John Carlson as Star Lord: The All-American kid that can bring the big laser blasts.

Barry Trotz as Nick Fury: For no other reasons than Trotz is the leader and looks like he should wear an eye patch.

What's that? Oh, what is my prediction for the series? I have no clue. I mean, the law of averages says the Caps are due, but we all know the hockey gods don't care about the law of averages.  I'm content to sit on the edge of my seat and enjoy (as much as I can) watching this roller coaster ride of a spring blockbuster play out.