WALL-E Made Me SLEEP-E.

Today I saw WALL-E ,Pixar's latest sure-to-break-records summer blockbuster. Let me say that generally I enjoy Pixar films(I've seen all but Cars) and that the boys I took thoroughly enjoyed it. The animation, or art really, reached the outstanding level that we expect from Pixar. All that being said, I need to bang on this movie a little. It wasn't bad, but it was no "The Incredibles" either. On many levels this a heavy, dark adult movie. Those who wish to analyze can pluck many a theme from the film. Take your pick: Strong female saves goofy male (certainly hits home for me), underdog succeeds, new technology versus old technology, love conquers all and my personal favorite, robots might just be the end of us.

To see any of these themes, though, you have to dodge the theme Disney is ramming down your throat-you, yes you, are ruining Planet Earth. Big business and overconsumption, to hear Disney tell it, will render Earth uninhabitable and spacebound humans will grow fat and lazy because robots fulfill our every need. I'm not the greenest guy around, but I do understand subtlety and don't need to be hit over the head with the save the environment message. The filmakers lay the guilt/blame on thicker than the layers of garbage WALL-E stacks all day every day. Yet, I'm sure that won't stop Disney from selling tons of plastic WALL-E action figures, toothbrushes, nite lites, and lunch boxes that will clog landfills for the forseeable future.

WALL-E, sort of the Cal Ripken of trash robots, goes to work everyday despite the fact that all other robots on abandoned Earth have long since rusted. The endearing underdog discovers a plant somehow still alive and the adventure really begins when he falls in love with and subsequently follows a space probe back to the ship harboring mankind. WALL-E hits all the right notes that are supposed to pluck your heartstrings and make you love a character, but for me the connection just wasn't there.

I'll wrap it up like this-The animation, especially of the bleak first 30 minutes, was great, there are some laughs, WALL-E himself is likable, but ultimately I think I found the Pixar pre-movie short film more entertaining than the feature. Too bad.

Revenge of the Machines.

I have previously established that I am a technophobe and believe that technology will bring doom to us all. Yep, someday the machines will band together, rise up and destroy us. (I tend to lash out at things I don't understand or with which I have no proficiency). It may be a self-fulfulling prophecy, my pessimism and worry bring about lots of those, but I think the electronic devices in my life are beginning the revolution. Sure, I know that my cell phone has been giving me brain cancer and that standing in front of the microwave is shrinking my balls, however, the recent glitches have me convinced there is an escalation.

In the last couple of days our computer mouse, cable box and internet service have all been on the fritz. Want more evidence? Since we've moved we've had major issues getting phone/internet service set up, the fridge started making an unearthly growl whose decibel count was matched only by the soaring temperature inside and I have broken not one, but two cell phones. Yesterday may have been the icing on the cake. I'm convinced the evil, intelligent Nintendo Wii was actively plotting my demise. First, it blunted my focus with the mind-numbingly boring Speed Racer game. Then when my defenses were down, the Wii attacked my elbow with way too many rounds of Wii bowling. That's right my arm is sore because I played too much VIDEO BOWLING. Thank goodness I bowl right-handed. Had I used my left, formerly bursitic elbow I might be hospitalized right now. Ok, that might be a bit of an exaggeration, but heed my warning-Keep an eye on your electronics because they have an optical lens on you.

Movie Review Haiku

GET SMART

Carrell makes me laugh,
99 is smoking hot,
Loved it by that much.

Mallrat.

I used to think God's greatest gift to man, besides life itself, was perhaps forgiveness. Now, I'm convinced it's the shopping mall. That's right, radiant stone and glass monuments to retail gorging and American over-indulgence. I've had some time to kill the last few days so I have popped into the mall for a couple minutes each of the last two days and man, has it been great. I love to people watch and the mall is second to only the boardwalk for pure finger-pointing people watching.

Seriously, what other circus crams so much under one tent? You have your power walkers flailing their way to fitness, kids on leashes and mothers and daughters engaged in a contest to see who can dress hipper (and by that I mean sluttier). And what about the merchandise? Kiosks overflowing with remote control helicopters, NFL car floormats and even hot dogs wrapped in pretzels make you dizzy with the possibilities.

I do, however, have one beef with malls. Every clothing store now seems more like a niteclub than retail establishment. They all have tiny, dark openings, a thumping techno beat and smell like an AXE body spray factory. Is it supposed to be mysterious? What's the mystery about high prices and clothes I can't fit into? I'm surprised there is not a velvet rope and a bouncer crossing me off his clipboard because my waistline is too large. However, being waved on by the opening to Garage or Forever 21 is hardly enough to keep me from being a mall rat every so often.

Administrative Adjustment

Since my friend Bryan now also has a blog (Space Monkey Mafia, see my links) and will sometimes be commenting here, I am changing my post and comment ID to "Bryan H" to eliminate any confusion over who is commenting. Carry on.

Help.

I am happy as hell that we are expecting a little girl, but it has added one item to our "to do" list in preparing for her arrival. We have, for quite some time, had a boy's name picked out. However, since my chromosomes( I guess that's right. I'm no geneticist.) chose female, we need to find a girl's name. This task would be easier if I wasn't The Most Indecisive Man In The World. Amanda has made many suggestions, most of which I have vetoed. She too has vetoed many, but that's usually because I've suggested something like Persephone or Athena. We are searching for something somewhere between common and Celebrity Scientologist Wacky. No Jennifer, yet no Pilot Inspektor. (Damn you, Jason Lee. You used to be cool.)

This is where you come in dear reader. In an informal, NON-BINDING poll I'm asking you to cast a vote for a name from this list we've narrowed. Write-ins are also welcome. For the middle name we have chosen Grace, for Amanda's grandmother. That is, unless we use Grace as the first name. (Told you I was indecisive.)
The List:
Ava Grace, Natalie Grace, Sydney Grace (with a Y, of course), Mallory Grace, Abby Grace, Jessica Grace, Rory Grace, Grace Catherine, Grace Audrey(after both our grandmothers).

My father-in-law has also suggested we settle this with a "Wheel of Fortune"-type wheel to be spun at the baby shower. I'm filing that one under M for Maybe.

Escape From Retail.

Some of you may be wondering how I'm making out in my new position as a Manny/Butler/Pool Boy/Etc. Fear not, I'm doin' alright. I'm very fortunate to have landed in a great situation, For example, today, I helped build a Lego racetrack, played catch, played Wii, went to the movies and went swimming. Not a bad gig if you can get it. Some of my other "duties" thus far: playing tennis, firing Nerf dart guns, painting birdhouses, helping craft a medieval sword and shield and monitoring the Slip 'n Slide. Oh, there is other stuff (driving, learning to maintain the pool, helping with homework), but those responsibilities pale in comparison to the fun I have hanging out with and helping the Z-man. I've also been masquerading as a handyman. I've fixed window hardware, hung stuff, and even repaired the garage door opener. It's almost like I know what I'm doing.

I do, however, miss books. I've been reading a bunch because we went over two weeks without cable. (And I didn't die from lack of TV exposure. Shocking.) But I still miss books. I miss talking about them with customers and co-workers. I even miss ( a little) setting displays of books. I was never a great merchandiser of books, but it was fun to get a little creative when building displays. What I don't miss is selling books. The actual interaction with clueless customers was sometimes enough to make you want to gouge out an eye with a screwdiver if only because it would be less painful than trying to help some asshat find a book. Sample dialogue from the customer service desk:

Asshat Customer (AC): You're gonna hate me, I have a stupid question.
Me: Too late for that. What's you're question?
AC: Well, I saw a book on TV this morning and I'd like to find it, but I was too stupid/lazy to write down the relevant information. Can you help me find it?
Me:You bet. Do you know the title?
AC: No, it was about politics and had a red cover and I think it had The in the title.
Me:Do you know the author?
AC:No, but it was a woman. I think. Wait, it could have been a man. Or a chimpanzee.
Me:You saw this just this morning, not twelve years ago, right? What show was it? I can search it that way.
AC: Oh, you know the one on in the morning. The Early Today America Show. You know, the one with the weatherman.
After ten minutes of fruitless keyword searching...
AC: Oh, there it is on that display there.
Me: Oh that book about religion with the blue cover? The one that is nothing like your description?

I could go on, but who needs that? Certainly not those who have lived it. Instead, I think I'll go for another lap in the pool.

"Start Saving For The Wedding."

Today has been a good day. Wait, let me rephrase because that was a gross understatement. Today has been an awesome, superfantastic, great day. Amanda had her level II ultrasound today which revealed, in glorious 4D imaging, that our daughter appears healthy and on track. That's right, I said daughter. We are having a girl and I am over the moon excited. We didn't care if it was a boy or girl, I was just ecstatic to see fingers, toes, four heart chambers, spinal cord. etc, etc. (Let me stop gushing. Screw that, I just found out we're having a daughter, I'll gush all I want.)

For weeks, Amanda and I have weighed whether we should find out the gender of the baby. We agreed that there are few surprises left in life, yet we are planner people and needed to know. We are also indecisive so sitting in the waiting room this morning we flipped a coin. Heads we'd find out, tails we wouldn't. Heads it was, so we found out. The Doc told me to start saving for the wedding. I asked that he let me get college paid for first. In truth, though, all the future worries can wait a little longer; today I can relax and thank God that we have a baby girl on the way.

Time Flies When...

I can't believe it has been nearly one month since I have posted. Alas, grown-up responsibilities and some major life changes -moving, a new job, Amanda's graduation, pregnancy (her, not me), not to mention still not having an internet connection at the new place have conspired to keep me from writing. All that should change soon, however, so please keep checking back because I do have some good stories pertaining to all these life altering events. Stay tuned.