If Parents Wrote Honest Thank You Notes

As the ornaments are stowed away and final bits of tissue paper swept from under the tree, I have reflected on the generosity bestowed upon my kid this year.  Between an October birthday and fruitful Christmas, Grace has opened a lot of presents in the last few months.  I am grateful that she has so many caring friends and family.  So grateful, in fact, that, as she is getting her own Christmas thank you notes in the mail, I thought I'd write a few myself:

*Thank you for the talking stuffed animal that sings/records/reacts/dances/lights up.  Once we sorted through convoluted directions to program it to sing/record/react/dance/light up, this guy has been a blast.  Now with one loving hug he can turn any room into a casino.  What sounds! What colors!  What a spectacle!  This is especially fun when an accidental 3AM squeeze has me blearily wondering if an alien spacecraft is landing in the next room.  We all know I don't do well with mid-night sound effects.  Creepy doesn't cover it.

*Thank you for the crayons.  We really needed more; we have almost completed our quest to acquire one million!

*Thank you for the charm bracelet.  Surely you didn't know it could hold more charms that my daughter would want to add today. And tomorrow.  And the next day. 

*Thank you for the Legos.  To some, that distinct plastic-y echo of Legos spilling out signals marvelous feats of engineering are forthcoming.  To me, that spine-chilling sound signals that a "Yes, you have to pick up ALL the pieces" argument is forthcoming.

*Thank you for the books.  Books?  Books?  Actually, I can't complain about the books.  I love 'em.

*Thank you for the socks with the days of the week stitched in them.  Cute, to be sure, but I invite you over to do the laundry Tuesday night when Grace realizes at bedtime that only one of the Wednesday socks is clean.

*Thank you for Monopoly.  You hate me, don't you?

*Thank you for the rubber band loom.  I have set a new personal record for bracelets owned.  Rubber bands have surpassed glitter as the most annoying craft supply in our household.  A legitimate thank you, though, to Grace's cousin and friend  who each helped Grace with her weaving (?) technique sparing me and Amanda from watching rubber banding YouTube videos.

*Thank you for the new tote/purse/backpack.  Did you think Grace needed a bag in which to store all her other bags?  Of course, anytime Grace gets a new bag she must immediately transfer her collection du jour, currently Shopkins, to the new bag for transport.

*Thank you for the Gift Card.  I bet you thought you were safe because you didn't buy Grace a "product."  Well, I'm onto you.  Under the guise of giving my daughter the freedom to buy whatever she wants, you get to sneak into a store to grab a gift without putting in any real effort.  Smooth.  A move I've used dozens of times myself.  Of course, when you give Grace a gift card I must spend half a day in the store with her as she calculates the perfect combination of purchases to maximize the value of her gift card.  See Also: Cash.

So, thank you.  Thank you for inspiration.  This year I will be on the hunt for the loudest, weirdest, corniest, most anti-parent gifts money can buy!