The Rocket and the Rat.

Even though my work schedule allowed for it, I didn't plan to watch the entire Congressional hearing held yesterday to further investigate steroid use in baseball. It only took a short while for me to be sucked in, however. Like the cliched car wreck that you can't take your eyes off of, once I tuned in I couldn't tune out until it was over. An argument could be made that the Committee for Government Oversight should be meddling in baseball's business because baseball has an anti-trust exemption. I tend to disagree and believe yesterday's circus was silly and unnecessary. Of course, that doesn't mean it didn't provide plenty of entertainment.

One thing that struck me immediately was the way the questions/accusations from the committee members broke along party lines. For the most part, Republicans had Roger Clemens' back and Democrats defended Brian McNamee. My uncle and I, in e-mails back and forth last night, couldn't figure out the partisanship angle. This morning a commentator cleared it up for me. Former Senator George Mitchell, author of the damning Mitchell Report in which McNamee accuses Clemens of HGH and steroid use, is a Democrat. So, the Dems on the committee wanted to support Mitchell and his report. Like yesterday's entire circus, this is a little sad, but makes sense.


The biggest problem I had with the hearing is that I now have no better idea of who is lying than I did before the hearing. Neither Clemens, nor McNamee backed an inch off their stories. It seems obvious to say that because their stories are completely opposite that one of them has to be lying, but they were both so discredited that I have come to believe that the hearing took place in some alternate dimension where they are both simultaneously lying and telling the truth. Neither party looked good. McNamee admitted to lying about lots of stuff just not about Clemens. Clemens stumbled through answers and changed the subject any chance he could get. In fact, it was similar to watching politicians answer debate questions so maybe the Congressmen felt right at home. There were too many great moments to pick a favorite, but the one I wanted to see never fully materialized. At one point Clemens was on the ropes with questions that he wasn't handling very well. He was getting frustrated, his voice was rising and his face was getting red. I was rooting for him to go Colonel Nathan Jessup from a A Few Good Men-


Congressman (gulping down water):Did you take steroids and HGH?
Clemens:I did what I had to do.
Congressman:Did you take steroids and HGH?
Clemens: YOU'RE GOD DAMN RIGHT I DID!


Alas, Clemens kept his composure and we were left without our "aha" moment. Another thing now missing is my faith in our legislators. Even if I stipulate that this hearing was necessary, I am still dissappointed in the committee members. A few words to describe that lot: starstruck, clueless, inattentive, uninformed, confused, out of touch, pompous, self-righteous and out to play "gotcha". They should be playing Perry Mason on their own time, not the taxpayers'.

Finally, I want to share a few of the phrases that came from the testimony that may not have made the evening news.

Clemens repeatedly used the word "misremember" which I had never heard used before and sent people scrambling for their dictionaries (it's in there).
There was testimony about Clemens "bleeding through his dress pants".
And my personal favorite-There was much discussion of and considerable speculation about "a palpable mass on his right buttocks".

I can't top that.