Internet, I am going to let you in on a secret. Most of us working in retail management did not aspire to these great heights, it just sort of happens. But now that I have reached this career pinnacle, my Olympus, if you will, I figure I have earned the right to lob a few Zeus-ian (or is it Gene Simmons-ian) thunderbolts of advice.
You see, retail managers burn out from equal parts customer shenanigans, corporate bunk rolling downhill, and having to babysit smarmy, lazy, know-it-all twentysomething shithams. It is the last of these I would like to address directly:
Hi guys. I don't know what kind of leadership you have been given previously, and, truthfully, I can't promise what type you'll always receive here, but I have a few tips for you. Dress up for an interview. Shorts are not appropriate. Look people in the eye. Unless you set it up for Minute Maid, you may want to leave your lemonade stand off your resume. Act like you care, even when you don't. It takes more than showing up to earn a paycheck. Speaking of showing up, you may want to do that (on time) every time you are scheduled. You may (Gasp!) have to sacrifice something fun because you are scheduled to work. Guess what? I do it all the time. Listen, remember, write it down; I am not teaching you how to do something for my health. I actually expect you to retain and use this information. Don't bullshit me; I have been lied to by better than you. Don't tell another manager one thing and tell me the opposite. Why yes, we are open every day except Thanksgiving and Christmas. Yes, we do need to staff the store on Christmas Eve. I also want to see my family, but we CHOSE to work in retail. Praise is necessary, but don't expect me to hand you a cookie or do a touchdown dance every single time you complete a task that is a minimum expectation of your position. If you don't know or remember how to do something, ask. You may think you are saving face, but I assure you that you look twice as stupid trying to fake your way through something and doubling down by lying to me about it. Don't be so stupid as to doodle, sit down, ignore customers, text on your phone or steal(!) on camera. Don't act offended when I correct your behavior. And, PLEASE, for love of everything holy, please don't tell me how to do my job on your first day.
I know this post will be dismissed by some as a "Get off my lawn/When I was your age/Kids these days" rant. To me, it is more a call to action. Kids unprepared and/or unwilling to work hard are not Bernie Sanders' fault. They are not this way because "everybody gets a trophy." That's too easy a narrative to slip into, too broad a brush with which to paint. I will not lay this at the feet of Millennials and Generation Z. I know plenty of young people that are killing it. Frankly, killing it with passion, direction, and effort that I did not possess at age twenty-three. I work with some young people who attack even the most mundane of tasks with enthusiasm, hard work, and a smile. They do what is asked of them and more. Sadly, in my experience, there is not enough of them.
No, this is not bashing all young adults; it is a call to action for parents. The problems I described are not endemic to an entire generation; they are born in the home. Mom and Dad must lay the foundations of responsibility, work ethic, and sense of right and wrong. Our observant children learn from us their social cues and behavior modification. Parental Guidance isn't just a label on a movie poster. Only through our lead, will our children be receptive to criticism and lessons from teachers and coaches. Parents, I beg you, let your children be disciplined in school, let them be coached on the field, reprimand them at home. You are doing them a disservice if you don't.
I hear, almost daily, complaints from parents about the roadblocks thrown in front of their kids by the "system." Parroting critiques of Common Core and whining about summer reading assignments. You would think the parents themselves were being asked to turn off Netflix and pick up Hemingway. I witness incredulous mom after angry dad try to find the shortest books for their child. God forbid we expect our child to work their way through 300 pages of Austen or Faulkner. Hell, we should be encouraging it. What rankles me more, though, is that I am even speaking to the parent. Why isn't the sixteen-year-old asking me for help instead of standing nearby rolling his eyes or scrolling through her phone with the bored countenance of a Kardashian? Little pleases me more at work than when a young child, empowered and encouraged by their parent, asks for help locating a book. I have to restrain myself from high-fiving that parent. Such small steps can make a huge difference in preparing a child. It is not that far a leap from confidently asking me for help as a kid to being able to look me in the eye during a job interview as a college student.
Mom and Dad, you want your child to be good citizen? Act like it.
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