Is It November 5th Yet?

Joe the Plumber. Terrorist Pals. Hypnosis. Pit Bull. Hockey Mom. Out of Touch. Amtrak. $150,000 on Clothes. Change We Can Believe In. No, I'm For Change. Bridge To Nowhere. McBush. False Birth Certificates. Celebrity. Ladies and Gentlemen. War Hero. Reverend Wright. ACORN. Drill, Baby, Drill. Country First. Hussein. Maverick. Flag Pin. Old Man Yells at Cloud. You Betcha.

I am so sick of the unprecedented (seems that way to me) kitchen sink, throw-it-against-the-wall-to-see-what-sticks "messaging" that both candidates and their suurogates are employing. Maybe I'm just suffering from 24 hour coverage overload. Either way, I'm thinking of breaking out the DVDs and enjoying a West Wing marathon on election night. This year a fictional president may be our only hope.

Irony Alert

I just heard John McCain accuse Barack Obama of "saying anything to get elected". That's f-ing hilarious. And he said it with a straight face. How about checking out the man in the mirror John "I've Abandoned Everything I Used To Stand For" McCain.

Curse of the Hockey Mom?

This has to be my favorite hockey statistic of the new season. Like a tiki idol around Greg Brady's neck, Sarah Palin appears to be a curse upon any NHL team she visits. She dropped the ceremonial first puck before the Philadelphia Flyers' opening game a couple weeks ago. The Flyers proceeded to lose their first six games. They finally broke the curse last night with a victory over the Devils. How did they break the Palin jinx? Well, they didn't, Gov. Palin did. She dropped the ceremonial puck at the St. Louis Blues game last night and brought her curse with her. The Blues lost the game 4-0 and ,worse yet, their starting goalie, Manny Legace, injured his leg when he stumbled over the carpet used for Palin to walk across the ice. I wonder if her son's team ever won a game.

I'm putting this personal plea out to Caps owner Ted Leonsis right now-For the love of cheese, please do not let this woman inside the Verizon Center. I realize if elected she'll work mere blocks away, but that is close enough. She must never be allowed inside. Never.

Go, Kings(or Preds or Panthers), Go!

Saw an interesting tidbit reported in the Toronto Globe and Mail regarding putting a second NHL franchise in Toronto. Apparently, this is in the very early discussion stages among NHL governors. Personally, I think it would be kind of cool, though I suppose I really don't care one way or another seeing as how I don't live anywhere near Toronto. If it happens I would prefer that an existing, struggling franchise moved as opposed to an expansion team being awarded. I think the NHL has enough teams and revenue issues without worrying about expansion. Sheesh, if Los Angeles can have two teams and the New York area three, why not put another team in a real hockey city?

Meet Grace.

When I was a kid my dad used to joke that whenever we went on a trip-family vacation, visiting relatives,etc- that we would always return home with more stuff than we left with. This was never more true for me than this past Tuesday when I slowly pulled away from the hospital with my most precious cargo ever-my beautiful newborn daughter, Grace Catherine. That's right, she decided to bless us with her arrival about three weeks earlier than the docs predicted. This has made for an exciting, unpredictable week to say the least. I'm pleased to announce that Amanda was a delivery all-star and that she and baby are healthy and happy.

Grace weighed in at a healthy 6 lbs, 6 oz and 19.5 inches. She does, however, have one small issue. She was born with a partially cleft palate; there is a small gap in the soft palate/roof of her mouth. This will require a surgical correction down the road but, fortunately, at this time it causes no major problems. We feel that if this is the worst thing that happened, we are in great shape. Otherwise, we are settling in to the happy transition at home complete with lack of sleep and dirty diapers. I wouldn't change it for anything.

Some of you may be interested in how we finally settled, after months of indecision, on the name Grace Catherine. We had narrowed the list to three-Grace Catherine(Amanda's grandmother's name), Sydney Grace (probably our favorite throughout the pregnancy) and Phoebe Grace(a late entry that didn't even make it on the baby shower Wheel O' Names). For me the tie was broken by our awesome labor and delivery nurse. She was knowledgable, helpful, caring and had a great bedside manner. She refused to take her lunch break even when they offered to cover her late in her shift. She was a blessing who we could not have done without. Her name? Catherine, of course.

A few other observations from my first week as a new dad:

*Before becoming a father I would have never guessed that I would be so happy/relieved to receive a text message that read, "We have poo and pee!".
*There may be nothing sweeter in this world than the soft sigh your daughter emits as she passes out after a breast milk bender.
*If NASA used that tarry, meconium poo to attach the Space Shuttle's heat shield they would never have to worry about tiles flying off during takeoff.
*My wife's Medela breast pump is either the coolest or scariest device I've ever seen, I can't decide which. I'm convinced Medela is Latin for "robot farmer".
*When trying to sing my daughter to sleep I realized how few songs to which I actually know the words. I'm not a huge music fan and it shows. I'm happy to report that Grace was soothed by my outstanding rendition of "The Gambler" by Kenny Rogers. Good thing I know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em.

My New Favorite Infomercial.

The Magic Bullet infomercial has been replaced. I stumbled across this beaut, the Flavorwave Turbo, that combines two essential ingredients for a truly great/awful infomercial-cheesy food cooking appliance and washed up celebrity pitchman. The fact that the pitchman in this case is The T makes it all the better.

"I pity the fool that don't use halogen heat, infrared waves, convention cooking all at the same time!"

"What's your prediction for all other convection ovens, Clubber? Pain!

Thud.

Okay, so that's probably not how the Capitals wanted to begin their expectations-laden regular season. Was last night's 7-4 slopfest of a loss in Atlanta a stunning example of the two major offseason concerns this team has (questionable goaltending and deciding not to sign a another top 4 defenseman)? Or was it simply a hiccup or clunker that gets thrown in from time to time, this one just happened to be opening night? I'm going with the latter. Expect good times to resume tonight with a packed Verizon Center Rocking the Red.

Jerry Jones Is Santa Claus.

High end retailer Neiman Marcus announced yesterday that in their famed Christmas catalog they will offer for sale one of the actual endzones from Texas Stadium. You can own a large (literally, it's 10 yards by 53 yards) piece of Dallas Cowboys history. I don't know where I'd put it, but how great would it be to own the actual Astroturf where Emmitt Smith dove for touchdowns, Doug Cosbie fired his imaginary six shooters and Troy Aikman was repeatedly concussed? On Friday nights when I was a child, I was allowed to stay up five minutes past the end of the "Dukes Of Hazzard" to watch the opening credits of "Dallas" just to see the overhead shot of the Cowboys' endzone. I want-no- I need this endzone.

What's that? What would I do with it?

Let's see, it would make the ultimate BBQ/game watching venue. Or perhaps the world's coolest putting green. I suppose the best way to honor the great Cowboys teams of the 90's would be to get some hookers and blow and party down. More likely I would just gaze lovingly at that big 'ol patch of fake grass.

Um, Bryan, that "big 'ol patch of fake grass" has an actual retail price of $500,000.

Oh. Perhaps I'll settle for watching the opening credits of "Dallas" on YouTube.

Already?

Many things can make you feel old. For instance, with my daughter's birth rapidly approaching I begin to think of my own mortality. In what I figure is typical new dad anxiety, I worry about being around to love and provide for her for a long time. At almost 34, I will be an older father. Not Tony Randall or Anthony Quinn old, but 12 years older than my dad was when I was born.

My body also sometimes belies my age. My physical unfitness and creaky knee often make me feel way older than 34.

But nothing made me feel older than the lightning bolt that I recently received via the U.S. Postal Service. Mixed amidst the bills and credit card solicitations was, complete with plastic membership card, an AARP membership application. I know the AARP has stopped catering to just retired people, but I thought the membership requirement was still being over 50 years old. Have they lowered standards again? Cast a wider net to nab members earlier? Maybe they have a Psychic Recruitment Comittee that knows that some mornings I feel older than 50. Either way, it was a bit depressing to open that envelope. Okay, gotta go-I'm hungry and the Early Bird special starts in just a few minutes.

Doggone It, You Betcha That Main Street Alaskan Mayor,Did It Didn't She. Bless Her Heart. (Wink)

So, as expected, I didn't get the gaffe-fest I was rooting for in last night's VP debate. I never thought that the VP debate would alter the outcome of the election, but I was hoping for a bit more of a needle-mover. Instead, we watched a pretty boring exchange that had nary a memorable moment that will live on in sound bite infamy. That said, I do have a few thoughts:

Sarah Palin did just fine, however, it's fairly easy to hit your mark when your mandate is "Do No Harm". Like her convention speech, there is still something in her tone that rubs me wrong; I still can't put my finger on it. It is a mix of condescension, earnestness and "See what I can do?" that when combined with her folksy familiarity irritates the heck out of me.

I've heard multiple people say this morning that Palin did a great job getting up to speed in five weeks. Granted. But is that the starting point we deserve? Wouldn't we better served by someone who doesn't have to be brought up to speed to begin with?

She was obviously well coached and as prepared as could be expected in five weeks. That's not a criticism; every candidate spends hours game-planning for these things. However, there were moments when it was obvious that she was not able (or certainly not willing) to speak off the cuff about certain subjects. She stayed tethered to her strengths and her talking points, veering back to them when she seemingly had no better answer. (Of course, I spend every debate yelling at the television for someone, anyone to please answer the question you were asked.) She used the word maverick so much I expected Dirk Nowitzki and Mark Cuban to come out dribbling a basketball across the stage. Her deft public speaking skills escaped her on meandering answers on education and climate change. Also, on more than one occasion (Healthcare and some other topic I can't recall) she had no comeback for a strong Biden point. Overall, I was less than impressed. Exactly as I expected.

I also thought Joe Biden was underwhelming. Whether it was worrying about looking too aggressive or just playing the statesman, Biden looked bored early on. He eventually hit his stride showing his experience. He was able to back up his points with numbers (though I'm not sure the numbers were always accurate) and historical reference. I also thought he was genuine when his throat caught with emotion when speaking about raising his sons. I thought his strongest moment was when he called Palin out after she claimed that McCain has an exit strategy for Iraq. As soon as she said that I thought to myself that it must be a secret plan because I've never heard McCain explain it.

Bottom line: This debate was not expected to, and will not, have a great effect on the outcome of the election. Each VP candidate was a fairly effective surrogate for the top of his or her ticket. Maybe Tuesday will bring a little more drama.

Let's Get Ready To Bumble!

Don't you wish booming-voiced boxing announcer Michael Buffer was available to introduce tonight's vice presidential debate?

Ladies and gentleman, welcome to tonight's main event. In this corner: weighing in with more hair than he used to- The Purveyor of Pomposity, The Vicar of Verbosity, The Amtrack Assassin, The Wilmington Windbag...Biden the Bloviator!

And in this corner: in the Tina Fey glasses-The Governor of Gaffes, The Princess of Perkiness, The Mayor of Mum, The Moose Killa from Wasila...Sarah Palin!

Like a puppy scratching at the door, I have nearly wet myself with anticipation. For me, today holds all the promise of Christmas morning, Opening Day and high school graduation rolled into one. I'm hoping tonight's two podium circus will be blunderful. I don't care which candidate it is, but I want one of them to drive this debate train right off the rails. I'm hoping for jaw-dropping, choke-on-my-popcorn, mistake-filled entertainment. This morning, in my fantasy world, Joe Biden is thumbing through foot-in-mouth recipes and Sarah Palin is applying a pageant secret Vaseline smile.

More than likely, however, Biden will stay on his leash, Palin will exceed her detractors' expectations and, like a lump of coal in my stocking or an Orioles opening day, I'll finish my day dissapointed. But a boy can dream.

Notes From The Recliner

*Nice to see the Caps are getting some national love. I hope they can live up to the hype.

* Meanwhile, the Dallas Cowboys had better stop believing the hype. After spending the week hearing how great they are the Cowboys got spanked at home by the Washington Redskins. Every Washington skill player outplayed their Dallas counterpart delivering steady, winning performances. Tony Romo was not sharp, the Dallas defensive line got run over, Terrell Owens was completely hamstrung by the Skins' secondary and ,inexplicably, the Cowboys seemingly refused to run the ball. After being anointed as a "beast" of a running back, Marion Barber was given eight carries. You have the biggest offensive line in the NFL and give your best back eight carries? This game was never so far out of reach that the run game needed to be abandoned in favor of deperation passing. This team has nothing to prove until January, but as strong as the NFC East is they need to make sure they don't stumble before actually reaching the playoffs.

*The Redskins are quickly becoming formidable and scary. I believe that the building blocks of a great team (confident coach, interesting gameplan, capable quarteback, grinding run game, solid defense) are now in place. I didn't think it would click in so early (I was thinking next season), but this team looks a lot like a Joe Gibbs (first stint) team that can pass to the lead and demoralize a team by running to protect a lead. I hope I'm wrong, however, I think the Redskins are poised for good things.

*My beloved Orioles sputtered and coughed their way to finishing the season with a 68-93 record. They lost 30 of their final 37 games and look every bit the team that is 25 years removed from their last World Series title.

*The officials in the NFL are taking a beating this season. There was the awful San Diego/Denver incident, then yesterday the officials missed blatant facemask and false start penalties in the Dallas/Washington game. Yesterday's calls did not affect the outcome of the game, but one wonders what game these guys are watching.

Couch Potato Time

What an incredible sports Sunday. I'm not sure which got more of a workout yesterday, the springs in my recliner or the "last channel" button on my TV remote. Given my current fitness level, I'm going to guess it was the springs. Thanks to the Ryder Cup, tons of football including two OT games and the Cowboys on Sunday Night Football and the last game ever at Yankee Stadium I stayed within listening distance of a TV for nearly twelve straight hours yesterday. I know that sounds crazy but there was plenty of compelling stuff to watch.

In my mind, there is no more entertaining golf event than the Ryder Cup. The national interest and team format makes it (to me) more exciting than even the Majors. This year was made particularly interesting as much for who was not there as for who was. No Tiger Woods for the USA and no veteran leadership (Colin Montgomerie and Darren Clark) for Europe affected each team differently. I think the US played better, more relaxed golf without Woods' giant presence looming. Woods is clearly the best golfer in the world, but rarely excels in the team format. This US team bonded and without relying on Woods or being intimidated by him played freely and with the fun spirit that Europe usually posesses.

Conversely, the Europeans looked a little lost without the veteran leadership. Nick Faldo chose to go with two younger captain's picks (One of whom, Ian Poulter, played terrific.) instead of the old vets. This forced three younger vets (Lee Westwood, Sergio Garcia and Paddy Harrington) to assume the leadership role. These players have excelled in the last three Cups, all European victories. However, I think they excelled because they were inspired by, shielded by and, somewhat, carried by the likes of Montgomerie and Clarke. This week, when asked to step up and lead, all three guys failed to win a match. The US played amazing, but don't discount the fact that they were aided by who wasn't playing at Valhalla this weekend.

One other note from the weekend: Real nice effort from my favorite ball team, the Bad News Birds, as they rolled over to be swept by the Yanks as Yankee Stadium turned out the lights for the final time. Yankee Pride appears alive and well; maybe some of it can rub off on the Orioles.

Further Proof I'm An Idiot.

I've long realized that as I child of the 70's and 80's I am deeply immersed in the pop culture of the era. I recently realized just how deeply it is embedded in my subconscious when within minutes I whistled the "CHiPs" theme song as I entered the freeway via a cloverleaf (a la the show's opening sequence) and counted down a stoplight changing to green with the "Beep. Beep. Boooop." sound effects from Pole Position. Some things never leave you, even if you wish they would.

That Whistling Sound You Hear?

That whistling sound you hear? That's the sound of thousands of fantasy football owners plunging towards the earth after leaping from tall buildings following the news that Tom Brady had season-ending knee surgery yesterday. Fantasy football is supposedly a $500 million business (not sure of the source or its accuracy). Surely those owners who drafted Brady, as close to a sure bet there is if he remains healthy, can feel winnings slipping through their fingers already.

"You just called another man baby."

Quoting my wife making fun of me for exhorting Cowboys tight end Jason Witten to "Go, baby!" after he made a reception.

McCain's speech wazzzzz...

Excuse me while I wipe the drool from my pillow. Being a dynamic speaker does not make you a good president and failing to be a great speaker does not disqualify you from being president. But damn.

The one thing he did effectively was carefully separate himself from the failures of the last eight years. We'll see if he can make that stick.

A Few Thoughts On The Republican Convention.

Did you know John McCain was a a war hero? I think I heard that somewhere the last couple nights.

For my money, Mike Huckabee is still the best speaker the Republicans have.

Shocking I know, but hypocrisy in politics and media is alive and well. The same Republican pundits who bemoan Obama's "celebrity" are crowing about Sarah Palin and announcing that "A star is born." And I didn't hear the slimy Rudy Giuliani slapping around the "liberal media" when they were slurping up to him, crowning him "America's Mayor".

Palin can crack wise all she wants about hauling away the Greek columns from Obama's stadium stage, but anybody with a brain understands that all politics at this level is carefully orchestrated, focus group-tested theatrical stagecraft. Let's be real.

Note to Fred Thompson-I don't care if the Vice President of the United States can field dress a moose.

I suspect I'm in the minority here, but I did not like the tone of Sarah Palin's speech. Yeah, she did what she needed to do and certianly performed well in her first time on the big stage. I liked her introduction to her family and her story. However, I thought the parts that were supposed to prove she is tough as nails came off as sarcastic and condascending. (And I love to employ sarcasm.)

I'm already sick of the phrase "heartbeat away from the presidency."

I found one line of her speech particulary interesting-"Al Qaeda terrorists still plot to inflict catastrophic harm on America, and he's worried that someone won't read them their rights."
Were I a reporter, I could ask her or McCain's people exactly what they meant by that statement. I read it to mean that Obama is more worried about terror suspects having rights and being treated humanely while being detained than about whether any info is extracted. Don't you think John McCain would have loved to have been read rights,treated humanely and protected from toture during captivity? Just asking.

Finally, as someone who is a fan of this political game and as someone who has not decided where his vote will land, I think this race just got very interesting. If nothing else, it should be a fun two months.

An Exhibition Not A Competition, So Please, Please No Wagering.

Though I don't usually make sports prognostications, I thought I would make some NFL predictions this year. Instead of just picking season records for each team without looking at the schedule, I went through the schedule and predicted each game. That left me with, what I think are, more realistic results. Some of the records I came up with really surprised me. I could be way wrong, but the NFL always has at least one surprise team so maybe I won't be as wrong as I think. I'll pick my Super Bowl champ too, but I'll probably make real playoff predictions come January. (Full disclosure- the Cowboys are my favorite team and I despise the Eagles and Redskins.)

AFC East
Pats 14-2, Bills 12-4, Jets 10-6, Dolphins 2-14

AFC South
Colts 11-5, Jaguars 11-5, Titans 9-7, Texans 8-8

AFC North
Steelers 9-7, Bengals 7-9, Browns 6-10, Ravens 3-13

AFC West
Chargers 10-6, Broncos 6-10, Raiders 4-12, Chiefs 4-12

Playoff teams-Pats, Colts, Chargers, Steelers, Jags, Bills

NFC East
Cowboys 12-4, Eagles 12-4, Redskins 10-6, Giants 9-7

NFC South
Panthers 14-2, Saints 9-7, Bucs 8-8, Falcons 4-12

NFC North
Vikings 10-6, Packers 9-7, Bears 6-10, Lions 3-13

NFC West
Seahawks 10-6, Rams 5-11, Cardinals 4-12, 49ers 4-12

Playoff teams-Cowboys, Vikings, Panthers, Seahawks, Eagles, Redskins

Super Bowl Prediction- Colts over Eagles

The highlights:
*Every team in the NFC East, except the defending Super Bowl champ Giants, will make the playoffs.
*Brett Favre will help the Jets improve greatly, but not enough to make the playoffs.
*The Packers, with Aaron Rogers in place of Brett Favre, will have a decent but far worse season than last year.
*The Panthers (I can't believe I came up with a 14-2 record) will have the best record in the NFC, but will not be the best team.
*The Bills will surprise everyone by making a deep playoff run.

My Baby and My Baby.

Some updated photos as the pregnancy rolls on.