Think about it, though, who would be more
Lest my readers think my motives for throwing my surgical mask in the ring are completely altruistic, let me remind you how selfish I can be. You see, I figure the Ebola Czar has one of the best Bubbles. I'm guessing the probable order is President, Vice President, apparent national treasure Derek Jeter, then the Ebola Czar. When the shit really goes down, I bet my family and I would get space in the bunker. And access to weapons-grade military soap. Not to mention, as Ebola Czar, I would probably be working closely with drug manufacturers. Maybe then I would get a chance to meet the blonde babe in that Viagra commercial that pops up between every televised inning of postseason baseball. (Seriously, isn't that commercial a bit much? I have a lot of other avenues to watch soft-core porn. Were implicit scenes of guys working with wood or women taming stallions not good enough? Now we need this woman basically promising me that if I throw the blue pill down she will throw her blue dress off? Just get back in your mountain-top bathtubs and caution me about four hour erections, please.)
So, Mr. President, I humbly submit my resume for Ebola Czar. May I make one further request? Can we change the name of the position? This czar thing has gotten a little out of hand. The number of czars in government today is only exceeded by the number of blue-ribbon commissions created to study things. Maybe we could empanel a commission to consider a new name. I suggest Captain Ebola, the Hyperbolic Ebolic, or my personal favorite, the Ebolic Avenger. Thanks for your time.