Nerd Alert: Now that the movie has been out for two weeks, I think it is safe to deliver my official, way too long Star Wars thoughts/review/breakdown. It will include an asteroid belt's worth of spoilers, so don't read on if you have not seen the flick yet.
Let's start with my expectations. I was super excited to see the movie, but tried to keep my expectations and preconceived ideas reasonable. There is a set of fans so rabid that they would have cheered anything short of Jar Jar Binks. Fans that would have clapped had Han and Chewie shown up wearing clown suits while riding minature ponies; that's not me. But I also did not expect an Academy Award winner. Why would I, this is Star Wars? What I hoped for was a warm glass of a galaxy far, far away. And that is exactly what JJ Abrams delivered. He made a movie that entertained 41-year-old me and, just as A New Hope did, would have entranced 5-year-old me. Yes, I am reviewing through nostalgia-colored glasses, but I think that is the whole point. Star Wars is a community, a cultural touchstone, a common bond. It is a mix of movies, quotes, toys, and playground adventures woven into a cozy blanket in which an entie generation happily wraps itself. So, was I delighted that there were so many nods or homages to the Original Trilogy? Damn right! I expected nothing less; JJ Abrams is a fan just like me and my friends and millions of others who were blown away the first time we watched Darth Vader step through the smoking hatch of the Tantive IV.
I literally had goosebumps when the Lucasfilm logo appeared onscreen. I got a little emotional when the crawl began. I had a moment of prequel panic when the crawl ended. What if like Episode I, it was all downhill after the crawl? Fortunately, the fears were allayed almost immediately. Where the prequels were wooden, boring and dense with political explanation , The Force Awakens was fast, fun and pleasing in a raw, visceral this-sure-feels-like-a-Star-Wars-movie way. Is it flawless? Hardly. There are cheesy moments and there are plot holes and there are convenient things that advance the story just like, oh I don't know, all three movies of the Original Trilogy. If you love IV, V and VI despite their "flaws", I don't know how you could not enjoy The Force Awakens.
On to the specific highlights/questions/criticisms:
Kylo Ren: I admit, upon first viewing, I was only lukewarm (you know, like the internal temperature of a tauntaun) to Ren as a villain. Part of it was casting; I am not a big Adam Driver fan. Part of it was seeing another sullen, whiny branch of the Skywalker family tree. (If you haven't already, check out the funny Emo Kylo Ren twitter feed.) Upon subsequent viewings, I realize he is just a boy out of his depths. Powerful, yes (freezing a blaster bolt in mid-air!), but not fully trained. He's a poser trying, but not yet qualified, to fill Grandpa's boots. I am guessing in Episode VIII we will see, through back story and training montage, a more fully formed villain.
Who is Rey? The internet is filled with theories ranging from the interesting to the preposterous. My bet is the safe one that the movie seems to lead us to, that she is Luke's daughter. This raises so many questions that eagerly await being paid off in the next two movies. By the way, Rey was by far my favorite new character. A strong female protagonist that my daughter can root for? What's not to love? Daisy Ridley did more acting with her eyes than the entire cast of the prequels did in three movies. Now, if we could just get more of her toys on store shelves.
Han Solo: Let me just say that the scruffy-looking nerfherder is my favorite movie character ever. I collect his toys, I have quoted him endlessly and I have pretend flown the Millennium Falcon more times than I can count. Of course, I was sad to see him killed off, but it worked with the story. And if he had to die, this movie was a terrific sendoff. Harrison Ford actually looked engaged (a real concern of mine going in) and gave a strong performance.
He was the heart of this movie, providing the perfect bridge between old and new. Han was basically a dopey prop in Return of the Jedi. Here he has a legit role as mentor to Finn, father(?)figure to Rey, heartbroken father to the villain, and one last run as the galaxy's coolest smuggler. Godspeed, space pirate.
New characters: Rey was awesome, Poe was cool, if inconsequential, and Finn was okay. I liked how Finn was sort of the conscience of the film. However, when the movie veered towards being too jokey it was usually because of Finn. I felt Finn was aboard solely to shepherd Rey into the larger story. I don't see where he has much to do going forward. I hope JJ comes up with something neat for his character.
Death Star 3: Probably the weakest part of the film. I know the heroes need something to attack/climb on/be threatened by, but Come On! We can't come up with a different type of peril? That being said, it hardly ruins the movie. The second Death Star was dumb too, yet that is not why I ding Jedi (that would be the Ewoks). And I did love that they called it StarKiller Base. A nice nod to George Lucas.
Fan service: One of the big criticisms is that the movie is too much like A New Hope, that it has too many Easter Eggs and too many throwbacks to the Original Trilogy. I know one guy who was annoyed that fans cheered every time a fan favorite from the OT first appeared on screen. That stuff was exactly why I enjoyed going opening night with a theater packed with true fans. The reveal of the Millennium Falcon, though only ten minutes in, was my favorite part of the movie. I thought Abrams found the right balance between old school and introducing the next story line. Critics should remember that this film had to lay out a ton of exposition as part one of the larger three film story arc. If VIII and IX mirror Empire and Jedi I will be disappointed. Until then, however, I trust great things are in store come May 2017.
The bottom line is I was looking for a palatable, prequel-erasing movie and got that and more. There was love for the originals with enough mystery built in to whet the appetite for what is next. Luke on the hill was a perfect ending. I can't wait to read the next crawl as it recedes into space as John Williams' score blares in sweet Dolby surround sound. I don't know what else JJ Abrams has in his plans, but after resurrecting Star Trek and Star Wars I will follow him anywhere. What else from my childhood can he fix? CHiPs? Thundercats? Laverne and Shirley? Until he decides I am content to watch the Force awaken over and over again.
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Monday, December 28, 2015
The Stocking Suffers
Working in retail certainly has its ups and downs. One of the bright sides is having an unusual, flexible schedule that sometimes makes things easier, like being able to go to a less crowded beach during the week or not having to request time off for doctor's appointments or your children's school functions. That schedule becomes more daunting during the holidays. Even though our team has been planning and working for months towards our goal of selling everything by December 24th, Christmas still snuck up on me. Working fourteen of the fifteen days preceding Christmas tends to make them blend together. You sometimes lose track of what day it is. And that is how your kid almost gets a Gas Station Christmas.
I am exaggerating a bit, of course. Though it took more last minute shopping than usual, we had purchased Grace's gifts by Christmas Eve. As we were wrapping them around 10pm we realized, however, that we had nothing for her stocking. This was a problem for two reasons. We like to fill Grace's stocking with small treats because we don't go crazy with Christmas presents. She gets a handful of gifts from Santa and a handful of gifts from Mom and Dad - we never have the tree that looks like it has barfed up presents everywhere. Also, we always pretend the stocking is filled by Santa. An empty stocking would indicate an insufficient Santa delivery and lead to questions I don't feel like answering at 7am Christmas morning.
With even Walmart closed, the lack of proper planning led to a late night run to the only place open. As this elf plodded slowly through the gas station hoping for a miracle, it quickly became apparent that this might be the first time Santa had filled a stocking with Slim Jims, off brand motor oil and a tin of Skoal Bandit. Throw in a Penthouse and you might have a redneck's dream stocking, but I was shopping for a seven-year-old girl. I settled for a toothbrush (pink, at least), lip balm, and candy, lots of candy.
After leaving the gas station dissapointed, but not surprised, I drove a different route towards home. A route that delivered the blessing of a Walgreen's that was still open. Against my better judgement, I went in Walgreen's, which to my surprise was open until midnight (midnight!), and became what I despise. Despite there being many other shoppers in the store at 11pm, I could feel the clerk's white hot glare. Here I was, his brother in retail, irresponsibly making his life miserable as I swept through my last minute shopping. I could hear the things he was mentally shouting at me because I had been mentally shouting them at customers mere hours earlier.
I have to be here. Why are you here? Have you no family? Have you no soul? I just want to peacefully wile away this last hour until I can go home to MY family. WHYYYY ARE YOU HERE?!?
I kept my head down, picked up a few things more Christmas-y than Marlboro Reds, including some Disney pet that was actually on Grace's Santa list, and headed home. For I had much more to do. There was wrapping to finish, eating Santa's cookies (not such a chore, I suppose), putting away the Katie the Elf (I did better than last year), and sweeping up the reindeer food from the sidewalk. My neighbor, catching a smoke on his porch, must have thought I was nuts to be sweeping my sidewalks at midnight, but never made eye contact or said a word. Yes, the ever-expanding illusion of Christmas is getting harder to keep up. The man behind the curtain is getting tired. I can't say I will be totally dissapointed when Grace discovers the truth. I will be a little sad, but at least I can spend the wee hours of Christmas Eve at Midnight Mass not combing gas station shelves for "gifts".
I am exaggerating a bit, of course. Though it took more last minute shopping than usual, we had purchased Grace's gifts by Christmas Eve. As we were wrapping them around 10pm we realized, however, that we had nothing for her stocking. This was a problem for two reasons. We like to fill Grace's stocking with small treats because we don't go crazy with Christmas presents. She gets a handful of gifts from Santa and a handful of gifts from Mom and Dad - we never have the tree that looks like it has barfed up presents everywhere. Also, we always pretend the stocking is filled by Santa. An empty stocking would indicate an insufficient Santa delivery and lead to questions I don't feel like answering at 7am Christmas morning.
With even Walmart closed, the lack of proper planning led to a late night run to the only place open. As this elf plodded slowly through the gas station hoping for a miracle, it quickly became apparent that this might be the first time Santa had filled a stocking with Slim Jims, off brand motor oil and a tin of Skoal Bandit. Throw in a Penthouse and you might have a redneck's dream stocking, but I was shopping for a seven-year-old girl. I settled for a toothbrush (pink, at least), lip balm, and candy, lots of candy.
After leaving the gas station dissapointed, but not surprised, I drove a different route towards home. A route that delivered the blessing of a Walgreen's that was still open. Against my better judgement, I went in Walgreen's, which to my surprise was open until midnight (midnight!), and became what I despise. Despite there being many other shoppers in the store at 11pm, I could feel the clerk's white hot glare. Here I was, his brother in retail, irresponsibly making his life miserable as I swept through my last minute shopping. I could hear the things he was mentally shouting at me because I had been mentally shouting them at customers mere hours earlier.
I have to be here. Why are you here? Have you no family? Have you no soul? I just want to peacefully wile away this last hour until I can go home to MY family. WHYYYY ARE YOU HERE?!?
I kept my head down, picked up a few things more Christmas-y than Marlboro Reds, including some Disney pet that was actually on Grace's Santa list, and headed home. For I had much more to do. There was wrapping to finish, eating Santa's cookies (not such a chore, I suppose), putting away the Katie the Elf (I did better than last year), and sweeping up the reindeer food from the sidewalk. My neighbor, catching a smoke on his porch, must have thought I was nuts to be sweeping my sidewalks at midnight, but never made eye contact or said a word. Yes, the ever-expanding illusion of Christmas is getting harder to keep up. The man behind the curtain is getting tired. I can't say I will be totally dissapointed when Grace discovers the truth. I will be a little sad, but at least I can spend the wee hours of Christmas Eve at Midnight Mass not combing gas station shelves for "gifts".
Tuesday, December 01, 2015
Don't Get Run Over By A Reindeer
Can you feel it? I can. It started as a little wisp in the back of my mind. Then it grew bigger and heavier; now it presses down on my shoulders. Sweat accumulates on my brow as I work to keep it from crushing me. 'Tis the season and IT is the pressure to provide the perfect Christmas for my kid. Make no mistake, it is a self-induced pressure, but a pressure nonetheless. Maybe it's just me. After all, creating my own stress and anxiety comes as natural to me as walking and talking. Maybe being in Retail Christmas Preparation Mode for weeks has made me more sensitive to the subject. However, as I watch other parents scurry from activity to activity, cramming their schedules with the joys of the season, I am convinced it's not just me. As parents we are bombarded with "opportunities" to create memories that our children will forget by next week cherish forever.
You know the list: parades, pageants, plays, Secret Santa exchanges, tree lightings, breakfast with Mr. and Mrs. Claus, special pajama story times. Want to ride the Polar Express? We've got you covered. Want to meet Santa and other costume characters? Easy as fruitcake. Stand in line for an hour waiting for a ten minute train ride through the same lights we looked at last year? Sign me up! I bet, if you so chose, you could find a holiday themed activity for your children every day between now and Christmas. Most will only cost you a small fortune. And those are just activities outside the house. Don't forget to squeeze in all our household traditions. Decorate the tree, hang the lights, build the gingerbread houses, make the wreaths, mix the reindeer food, send the cards-eventually they all blur together. This year, I got the nutty idea to go cut down our own Christmas tree. I have about as much business chopping down a tree as I do trying to land an airplane. And don't even get me started on my escapades with that damn Elf.
So, why we do it? Obviously, calling it a shoulder-crushing pressure was a bit of hyperbole, but we do put undue stress on ourselves to make the holiday season magical. There are lots of reasons why we do it. For one, we've been programmed that if we don't max out our kids' schedules there is no possible way they could figure out how to entertain themselves. This is the same reason we race from dance class to scouts to basketball practice to underwater bowling to travel bingo tournaments each and every week. We want the best for our kids; we want them to experience everything (except down time, apparently.) Each of these activities has merit; trying to squeeze them all in is silly. And taxing. We are also told by commercials from every retailer from Folgers to Dick's Sporting Goods that Christmas is a special time. Sure I get a little weepy when that grandfather-to-be opens those tiny Adidas sneakers, but it doesn't mean we have to find meaning in every December moment. Though, if we don't create and document a slew of magical moments how will we fill Facebook? How will you know what an awesome dad I am? If I don't post photos of my daughter enjoying the lights or hand crafting an ornament what will I have left to post, Star Wars memes and shameless links to my curmudgeonly blog?
I think the truth is we parents are simply trying to fulfill our parental commandment. Not long after Keep Your Child Safe and Love Them More Than Anything In This World is the directive Thou Shalt Not Ruin Christmas. Despite my Bah Humbuggy tone thus far, I actually love Christmas. Creating new traditions and carrying on beloved family traditions is important. Too often, though, we force things. When everything is special, nothing is special. Christmas magic should be organic, borne out of the simple, precious times we spend together. A quiet night sipping homemade hot cocoa by the fire might just be as memorable as sprinting from event to event (Except for story time at my store. You should definitely come hear the story then purchase every single item your kid asks for on your way out the door.) I encourage us all to slow down and relax this Season. I am going to start as soon as I get this tree chopped down and tied to the roof of my car. Stay tuned for the lumberjack selfies.
You know the list: parades, pageants, plays, Secret Santa exchanges, tree lightings, breakfast with Mr. and Mrs. Claus, special pajama story times. Want to ride the Polar Express? We've got you covered. Want to meet Santa and other costume characters? Easy as fruitcake. Stand in line for an hour waiting for a ten minute train ride through the same lights we looked at last year? Sign me up! I bet, if you so chose, you could find a holiday themed activity for your children every day between now and Christmas. Most will only cost you a small fortune. And those are just activities outside the house. Don't forget to squeeze in all our household traditions. Decorate the tree, hang the lights, build the gingerbread houses, make the wreaths, mix the reindeer food, send the cards-eventually they all blur together. This year, I got the nutty idea to go cut down our own Christmas tree. I have about as much business chopping down a tree as I do trying to land an airplane. And don't even get me started on my escapades with that damn Elf.
So, why we do it? Obviously, calling it a shoulder-crushing pressure was a bit of hyperbole, but we do put undue stress on ourselves to make the holiday season magical. There are lots of reasons why we do it. For one, we've been programmed that if we don't max out our kids' schedules there is no possible way they could figure out how to entertain themselves. This is the same reason we race from dance class to scouts to basketball practice to underwater bowling to travel bingo tournaments each and every week. We want the best for our kids; we want them to experience everything (except down time, apparently.) Each of these activities has merit; trying to squeeze them all in is silly. And taxing. We are also told by commercials from every retailer from Folgers to Dick's Sporting Goods that Christmas is a special time. Sure I get a little weepy when that grandfather-to-be opens those tiny Adidas sneakers, but it doesn't mean we have to find meaning in every December moment. Though, if we don't create and document a slew of magical moments how will we fill Facebook? How will you know what an awesome dad I am? If I don't post photos of my daughter enjoying the lights or hand crafting an ornament what will I have left to post, Star Wars memes and shameless links to my curmudgeonly blog?
I think the truth is we parents are simply trying to fulfill our parental commandment. Not long after Keep Your Child Safe and Love Them More Than Anything In This World is the directive Thou Shalt Not Ruin Christmas. Despite my Bah Humbuggy tone thus far, I actually love Christmas. Creating new traditions and carrying on beloved family traditions is important. Too often, though, we force things. When everything is special, nothing is special. Christmas magic should be organic, borne out of the simple, precious times we spend together. A quiet night sipping homemade hot cocoa by the fire might just be as memorable as sprinting from event to event (Except for story time at my store. You should definitely come hear the story then purchase every single item your kid asks for on your way out the door.) I encourage us all to slow down and relax this Season. I am going to start as soon as I get this tree chopped down and tied to the roof of my car. Stay tuned for the lumberjack selfies.
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