Of Bullies and Bomb Threats.

Being a kid today seems like a good gig.  Vaccines ward off disease, technology advances at light speed, yogurt comes in a tube that requires no spoon.  But some childhood challenges cut through all generations.  One of those is bullying.  Our family is dealing with my daughter's first experience with the subject. As a parent, it is a little daunting, as this seems like such an opportunity to get things right, to have those teachable moments, to lay a foundation for Grace to learn how to handle these situations.  Grace, a first grader, is getting picked on by another passenger on the school bus.  It seems like a minor deal, some name calling and a little hair pulling, but it bothers her enough that she brought to our attention.  Minor, though it may be, it is something I want to nip in the bud because she does not have to tolerate it.  I don't need a PSA or an after-school special to tell me bullying is real.  I was picked on as a kid (not anything too terrible) and probably passively endorsed other kids getting bullied by laughing along, or worse yet, not saying anything at all.

My first instinct, of course, is to protect Grace.  Protect her from harm, protect her from bad feelings, protect her from the anxiety that can come from worrying about harm and bad feelings.  This is tricky to navigate. For one, I want her to be tough enough to withstand some name calling.  Secondly, she is being raised by two sarcastic parents who are products of a sarcastic, insult comedy generation.  We joke with Grace, often trading barbs with her that are really quite funny.  I have worked at jobs where we said terrible things to each other.  The employees NOT getting picked on were the outsiders.  I guess what I am saying is that I need to make sure I have my bullying recognition calibrated correctly.  I don't want to overreact, nor do I want to downplay a real problem.  I want Grace to be able handle herself, but I must make sure I do not minimize what she tells us.  I  also know the best way I can help her is teach her the tools she can use to try to resolve the situation herself.  If we want to raise a resourceful, resilient kid, we can't fight her battles.

So what are the tools with which we should equip Grace?  I want to tell Grace the next time the girl pulls her hair she should pop the bully in the mouth or least give her a good facewash (I watch a lot of hockey.)  That, however, seems a little counterproductive.  After all, we are looking to defuse, not incite the situation.  In fact, I am proud of Grace for not retaliating.  We told Grace to ask the bully to stop and warn her that if she didn't then Grace would tell the bus driver.  Grace, as shy as she is in certain instances, doesn't want to rock the boat.  She also doesn't want to be a tattle-tale.  How do we instill, in our quickly -growing girl, the confidence to stand up for herself?  Obviously, if she makes no headway with the bully or the bus driver, I will step in.  Because the  only anxiety a student should feel about going to school is whether or not she studied enough for her spelling quiz.

Which is why these cowards calling in bomb threats to schools piss me off so badly.  Kids should be able to walk into school free from "real world" worries like active shooters, bombs, and terror threats.  In effect, the callers, whether they be pranksters or terrorists, are bullying an entire community of children.  At the very least, these calls are disruptive.  At worst, as highly unlikely as it seems, they are the first act of a terror plot.  Who really knows the scoop with these calls that have happened up and down the East Coast?  If the FBI does, they are not saying.  I know investigations take time.  I have faith in the investigation. What I have less faith in is the response of the school board and local officials.

I believe local law enforcement has student safety as their top priority.  If it pleases the court, I will stipulate that, indeed, I have no law enforcement training.  I will concede that, as Sheriff Lewis pointed out in his press release, law enforcement possesses preliminary information that I do not.  But for my money the only information necessary to decide to evacuate a school is that there has been a threat.  Do I really think these robocalls are ISIS probing for information about response times and tactics? No. But you never know.  I understand that it is incredibly disruptive,  but why not evacuate a school every time one of these calls come in?  It only takes being wrong once for an awful tragedy to occur.  Fortunately, the school system has wised up (It only took a bunch of parental complaints, right guys?) and is now informing parents as these problems occur, not well after.  So far, Grace's school has been unaffected.  I suppose if her school is threatened I will have to make the choice of whether I go get her or not.  As far as I know, she knows nothing of the threats at other schools.  She has no anxiety in regards to these threats.  Other students are not so lucky.  It is a damn shame that, whether because of bullies or worse, our children can not go to school feeling safe, secure and ready to learn.