I figure if Killer can blog about his brush with death (very scary when you hear the details) and Rob T can blog about his testicular troubles( about which I know no details) that I can get serious for a bit. This isn't a plea for advice, although it is always welcome, but rather just a little venting/thinking out loud on my part.
I am having a bit of a career dilemma. I was recently promoted through no direct effort on my part. I was told my skills were needed in another branch and that it was put to me in a way that I didn't really feel like I wanted to ask what happened if I said no. So, I've been shipped to the Salisbury store and have been handed an office, a company car, more power and a pretty sweet raise. The company I work for is thriving, the benefits are great, I like the people I work with and for and the big boss treats his employees really well.
The problem? I really can't stand the type of work I do. I didn't really enjoy my previous position either, but I at least I had carved it into a managable, tolerable task. This new position demands a lot more estimating, project managing and working with other companies. In other words, it includes more time on the job and more headaches and stress. I possess the skills (or I am learning the ones I don't have) that the job requires, but there is a certain innate mechanical aptitude that helps in this kind of work. Unfortunately, I don't possess this. My brother inherited the math/science gene from my dad, grandfather and uncles. They can all visualize and understand the way things work, are laid out, etc. much better than I can. On top of this, my anxiety and social phobia (admittedly self-diagnosed, but I know its way more than just being shy) can sometimes make dealing with vendors and clents uncomfortable.
Some people would probably tell me to suck it up; work isn't supposed to be fun or enjoyable. Others would say that I should just quit and find a new job. And that leads to problem #2. Despite being 31 years old I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I am envious of friends(Killerand Brent, for example) who knew very early what they wanted to do and have accomplished just that. As far as I know, neither regrets their choice.
Since it is highly improbable that I will ever achieve any of my top three career choices (in no particular order: lottery winner, professional ice hockey player, best-selling author) I am left to ponder what I should do. I keep waiting for that light bulb to pop up over my head. I know once I have my inspiration I'll work hard to pursue it. But right now, I'm just not sure which direction to go. Everytime I get a little jazzed about an idea that stinging uppercut to the jaw called self-doubt knocks me back on my heels. Anyway, I'll stop babbling, I could go on like this for quite a long while. I guess I should just be thankful that I have a job. (And a great wife, supportive family and friends, my health, etc.) Things could be worse.
7 comments:
Well, H. H. (and I will allow you to explain that to your friends and family) I feel the need to respond to this blog. Listen up my friend, you only go around once in this lifetime. You need to spend that time doing what you are happy doing.
Now for the advice part. I noticed your list. If you are like me, you won't win the lottery 'cause you don't buy tickets. Ice hockey, you say, and 31 you say, I don't think you'll be playing long. But writing - now there is something that will work. Why do you have to start by being a best selling author? Why not start at a newspaper? Or submit an article to a magazine. You can do that while continuing in your current line of work until you've made a name for yourself. I have seen your writing (not just the blog) and feel that you do have talent. You go guy! Get started now! Then I can say "I knew you when...."
A. D.
Thanks A.D. Of course, you are right. This is where my crisis of confidence comes into play. I need to get past that and get moving. And I think I'll leave the explanation of HH for another day.
"Sometimes the only way to grow is to change" -- I'm not sure if that's helpful or not. And it might not feel like growth, I understand that as well, it might just feel like more hassle. But put your own spin on it, bring a little Hailey to the party, and I'm sure you can make a positive impact, and if you're still sick of it in 6 months, then you can ask to do something else or start to look elsewhere.
It's unfortunate that you were basically pushed into the decision -- if your boss had taken my 5-day Art of Pursuasion seminar, he could have learned the secrets to presenting the opportunity in such a way that you would have been begging for the chance to do it. Then you'd at least be excited for a week before you realized you hated it. Oh well.
I certainly plan to give the new job some time and I also left out that I have gone into the position with a very good attitude. So, we shall see.
well i just want to know what HH is all about. however i do recall there was a time when bryan (DZ bryan) who is really good with kids thought about being a teacher. while i feel being a classroom teacher is becoming a tedious job, i also feel that its rewarding. and as far as writing, you've never really given yourself a chance have you? you started a "novel" years ago that you never finished. fear of rejection keeping you from getting that done? either way suck it up for awhile and who knows you might like it where you are...
A few thoughts:
1. I know I am prejudiced but I read a lot of stuff other people write, professional and not... and you sir are a brilliant writer. You are also incredibly intelligent, well rounded, likeable and informed.
2.Have you actually thought about not self-diagnosing and talk to someone who might find you do need something like Paxil. It could be as easy as that. Once the fog of self doubt is lifted you might be able to see things much more clearly.
3. I was watching a movie last night about my fav poet...TS Eliot. In the movie "Tom and Viv" his wife is diagnosed with febral mind caused by "woman problems" They didn't understand things in the 1920's. She was brilliant but stymied by problems that are easily diagnosed and fixed today.
4. More mundane thought: Look through Monster.com often and see what kind of opportunities are out there. When we employ college interns and the one thing they have in common is that they are usually wide-eyed at the end of their internship because they never realized the vast array of financial jobs that really exist in the market place. All they are ever taught is: Broker (doesn't even exist anymore) Banker and Accountant.
5. Papa loved engineering and worked for one company almost his entire worklife. He wanted something else but he was afraid...afraid to try, afraid to leave his family in a financial lurch, afraid that he wasn't good enough beacuse he was foreign born. But he did all that so the rest of us could live here in the United States and never live in fear again. Talk to him.
6. Leave a stranger in the lurch...What(?) you say...Pretend you are moving to a new town. Call up real estate people, go there for a weekend and look at houses and investigate the job opportunities, send out resumes even. If something comes through and you hate it you can always say.."just kidding!"
All my love and support to you and your bride,
Mary
Well, the Butthole Surfers said..."It's better to regret something you did than something you didn't do." You may want to consider the source on that one but I think it kinda holds true. You and I could...and have talked about this same subject for hours. We're a lot alike when it comes to the things that hold us back. I know how it is to be stuck in a job where you really don't fit. And I know how it is to not know where you fit into things. And I know how it feels to have untapped potential. And I know that you are not supposed to start a sentence with and. As soon as one of us figures out how to do this writing thing we need to pick up and run with it! A lot of the great writers never started until they were in their thirties. Thats because they were meant to do it and not trained to do it. Maybe we'll hit that point? I'm not really anyone to get advice from though.
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