Sunday, April 30, 2006
AHA! (Warning:Sarcastic Conspiracy Theory That I Don't Really Believe Alert)
I've finally figured it out. The whole oil/gas price "crisis" is nothing more than an elaborate plot to get Americans to drive slower. On our way to Baltimore we passed numerous state-run electronic highway signs that read "Slower Speed Saves Gas". What's next, raising the price of barbecued ribs so we'll cut down fewer trees for napkins?
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Wow, just like when Ponch (may the power of Ponch compel you!) was spouting off "55 stay alive" (cue the tooth sparkle).
Don't give Them ideas.
They're listening.
This morning, on the way to work, I gave the finger to one of these signs through my sunroof at 85 mph. I'm so glad the nanny-state felt compelled to spend millions of dollars on these signs all over the state so they can tell me to slow down.
The signs also have such useless messages as: "Heavy traffic ahead, expect delays", which usually are no updated soon enough for you to avoid the delay, and which usually linger well after the delay is cleared out.
Total number of times I've seen these used for "Amber alerts": once, I think. They also warn you to look out for "suspicious behavior" and give the Homeland Security phone number to call. Right. If you see suspicious driving behavior, all that means is YOU'RE ON THE CAPITAL BELTWAY. If that bothers you, TAKE THE NEXT EXIT AND GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY. At the very least, stay out of the left-hand lane. Thanks.
you know who was trying to jack up the price of ribs, don't you? the cows.
it was an udder failure.
Wow! Wolske is smart and almost as funny as you Bryan!
Aunt Mary
Yes Mary, Wolske is very smart and very funny. If you don't already read it, you should check out his blog ("Come Up With Something Original" under my links.) His page is far more thoughtful than mine.
Aww, come on Bryan, I love reading your blogs. I think your career aspirations as a writer are not too far fetched.
Thanks Karen.
May the power of Ponch compel you!May the power of Ponch compel you!
At first I was disapointed that Rob didn't throw out the Sammy Hagar! But I'm glad to be reminded of this most perfect jem. Bryan, what next? I'm sorry that my response has nothing to do with your paranoia.
Bryan,
Self-deprication in one so talented sounds....(I could insert some fantastic words here...profound and meaningful but I am in Kindergarten helper mode so...) just plain yucky.
Just admit the damn talent and let's move on from here...
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