Master of Disaster

Please, oh please, dear readers, tell me you saw ABC's Master of Champions Thursday night. I love TV and I love bad TV, but ABC may have succeeded in building one of the worst shows to ever reach the airwaves. The cheesy title is just the start. This show is what you might get if you had put Chuck Barris in charge of the Olympics. It makes David Blaine look like a Rhodes Scholar. I half expected to see Joe Romano, The Blond David Copperfield make an appearance.

The "competitors" were a 14-year-old girl who wields a bow and arrow with her feet while blindfolded, extreme unicyclists and breakdancing acrobats on spring stilts (One of whom was the 11-time World Power Tumbling Champion. Yeah, let that one sink in. Hilarious. Nice hard-working guy, I'm sure. But that's funny.) But by far the best/worst event was "The Master of Champions Cheese Grating Showdown". This event featured race cars with a cheese grater attached by suction cup. The drivers then "drift raced" around a block of cheese to see who could shave the most off. You can't even make this stuff up.

Some of the feats were actually athletic and interesting, but give me Stupid Human Tricks anyday. Besides it wasn't just the events that made this show so bad. The hosts, Chris "I can't stop shouting" Leary and former Playboy Playmate Lisa " I'm having trouble reading the teleprompter" Dergen added to the cheese. Throw in panelists Steve Garvey, camera mugging Johnny Mosely and former Olympic figure skater and master of broken English Oksana Baiul (who I swear was caught yawning by the camera) and you've got one hell of a party. Thursdays at 8pm. Tune in; you won't be sorry.

And don't forget Chris Leary's extremely creative show opening: "THEY'RE MASTERS. THEY'RE CHAMPIONS. WELCOME TO MASTER OF CHAMPIONS!"