AHA! (Warning:Sarcastic Conspiracy Theory That I Don't Really Believe Alert)

I've finally figured it out. The whole oil/gas price "crisis" is nothing more than an elaborate plot to get Americans to drive slower. On our way to Baltimore we passed numerous state-run electronic highway signs that read "Slower Speed Saves Gas". What's next, raising the price of barbecued ribs so we'll cut down fewer trees for napkins?

Proof Americans Are Stupid:

Robin Williams' new movie, RV, was the top-grossing movie this weekend. Seriously? Has anyone seen the commercials for this dog? I remember a time when Robin Williams was funny, but there is no way this isn't the worst movie of all-time.

Life's Little Pleasures, #37

Shouting "O" with 30,000 of your closest friends during the National Anthem at Camden Yards.

Although, I was a bit dissapointed that the Anthem was sung in English. I thought for sure the "Nuestro Himno" would have debuted by now. Kidding, of course.

My lightsaber is bigger than yours.

Thanks to Steve for sending me the link to this Star Wars fan film. It's kind of cool. I'm posting it for my fellow Star Wars geeks. (I wear the label proudly. ) However, if you don't have at least some interest in Star Wars you should probably pass. For instance, I think Amanda was very bored, very early. She didn't make it through the second minute of the five minute movie short. Anyway, enjoy.

Welcome back, Lord Stanley.

A few brief observations after watching playoff hockey for the first time in two years:

-Double Overtime is still supercool.
-Jaromir Jagr is still a wuss.
-The Flyers Suck.
-You don't have to be a "big-name" goalie to be amazing in the playoffs.
-The Flames may lead the Ducks one game to none, but they are in a dead heat in the contest for the NHL's ugliest uniforms.

Here's hoping for eight more weeks of games as good as those we've seen over the first two days.

Why Outer Space? Because We Must.

I've been thinking about America's stagnant manned-flight space program, wondering if it is wise to continue funding it when so many people lack so many things. My answer, of course is a resounding yes. The case can be made that the space program leads to advances in technology and medicine or that we must learn if there is someone else "out there". But none of things are the real reasons we must advance the space program.

Whether we are alone in our vast universe or whether we have fellow citizens in a galactic civilization is irrelevant. We must continue to venture forth because that is the only way to sate the curious human spirit. We seek, we explore, we investigate. Like sailing west from a European seaport or staking a claim to land west of the Mississippi, we must continue pushing outward, searching for new information. We must never tire in our quest for adventure; we must never allow our thirst for knowledge to be quenched.

The price will steep; we will pay not just monetarily, but also with spilled blood and the hardship of the occasional failure. This, however, is a burden worth bearing. Let us be thankful that there is no shortage of men and women eager to be pioneers. Eager to thunder upward, ripping across the heavens, summoning equal parts courage and insanity. Each time they rocket into space, the perfect pairing of man and machine, our astronauts carry with them the hopes, and in some ways, the fates of an entire race. May we always be willing to peer into the darkness and reach, with fingers outstretched, for whatever is next.

Good God, What's That Smell?

This post has been brewing for awhile, but what I saw Thursday put me over the edge. As part of my new position at work I measure and estimate jobs in peoples' homes. I have been in some of the largest, fanciest homes on the river and I have been in some of the low-income, subsidized housing. It' s the latter that I'm going to discuss.

Some of the apartments and rental houses I have entered have been the dirtiest, nastiest places I have ever been. I cannot imagine living in the filth that some of these people live in daily. Believe me, I don't mean messy or dusty. Everybody's house needs some picking up or dusting now and again. I mean full-on foul living conditions. Food and trash strewn about, animal droppings, dirt, bugs. You name it. One house had a pitcher of kool-aid spilled on the floor which looked like it had been left there for a week, all congealed and sticky. I guess it was just walked around as if it were a piece of furniture. The outside is no better; the yards are filled with garbage. Trash that does make it into bags is just piled outside the back door not in the garbage can. I literally look at the ground the whole time I walk through these yards to make sure I don't step in something disgusting or dangerous.

I don't understand how people live like this. Have some dignity and self-respect and clean up after yourselves. These houses are not the nicest places, but I know that before a new tenant moves in the apartments are clean, freshly painted and usually newly carpeted. There is no excuse for them to be trashed like they often are. Now, I know that, fortunately, I make a higher income than these folks and maybe I'd react differently if I had to walk a mile in their shoes. But I don't think I would feel differently because this isn't an economic issue, it is "how you choose to live" issue. Many of the apartments I enter are tidy and clean despite the tenants being in the same income range as the tenants with filthy apartments. One of my co-workers says that you can't help it if you're poor, but you can help it if you're clean. (While I disagree with him that you can't help it if you're poor, that's a whole separate issue that can be discussed later.) I know some of these people probably struggle to put food on the table, but I believe even if I couldn't afford a single bar of soap I would still pick up my trash and sweep the floors. I couldn't bear to lay my head down to rest in some of these places.

Now that I've rambled long enough, let me quickly get to what happened Thursday to push me over the edge. I saw the foulest of the foul. While escorting me to a vacant apartment, the maintenance man warned me that the tenant had abandoned the apartment and "really trashed it". I joked to myself about what trashed meant since I have seen some pretty nasty stuff. I thought 'What did they pee on the floor or something?' Oh, it was worse than that. The odor struck me as soon as I hit the door and when I rounded the corner I saw at least two walls smeared with shit. Literally. That's right, feces, crap, human waste, ol' number 2. How disgusting is that? I quickly turned on my heel and told the man I'd measure from the outside. I just don't get it. Can anybody explain this kind of behavior to me?

Dropping the Anchor

[Side note before I even get started-Could my titles be any cheesier?]

Since the announcement that Katie Couric will take over as CBS Evening News anchor I have read and heard comments about whether a woman should be/could successfully be a network news anchor. People question whether a woman has the neccesary "gravitas". Even Walter Cronkite sidestepped the question by saying that men make really good anchors(I'm paraphrasing). What a bunch of hogwash. There are countless women qualified to anchor the evening news. Truthfully, I don't care who delivers the news as long the news is timely and relevant. (Actually, I suppose the real truth is that I don't care who anchors the evening news because I don't watch the evening news. It's much easier to get news and info from the internet, 24 hour news channels or (gasp!) the newspaper. Long gone are the days of anchormen being the rocks we lean on in a time a national crisis. )

I think where Couric should be carefully examined (and, woo, wouldn't that be fun) is her credibility as an experienced journalist. I think those who do watch the evening news want an anchor that has the experience of being on the frontlines (literally and figuratively) of the stories they report. I don't know much about Couric's experience before she became co-pilot of the Today Show fluffmobile, but I think her candy-coated, Macy's parade hostess persona doesn't do it for some people. BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN, LARRY KING, THAT A WOMAN CAN'T HOST THE NETWORK NEWS. Now, excuse me while I go watch reruns of last night' s Daily Show and The Colbert Report because their pseudo-news is funnier than the real stuff.

Big Monday

Today is a pretty sweet day for sports fans: It's baseball's opening day(the Orioles actually won and ESPN must have six games on), there's two hockey games on TV (including a physical, playoff intensity game between the Caps and Canes) and tonight March Madness wraps up with the national championship game. Although, if tonight's game is no better than Saturday's semi-final snoozefests I'll be in bed long before CBS cues "One Shining Moment".

Also, kudos to OLN for remembering that part of selling the NHL's future is celebrating it's past. Tonight, they showed a nice feature on Montreal legend Jean Beliveau. He is great player that I didn't know much about. Their piece will lead me to read more about him.

I'll Take One New Bladder To Go, Please

The ever-accelerating field of medical science continues to fascinate me. I just read this article about engineered organs that is really cool. Using a patient's own cells (taking organ rejection out of the equation) doctors are growing a new, properly functioning bladder. ( Perhaps Killer could put an order in for a larger one so our road trips didn't include such frequent stops.) I do find growing organs in petri dishes a little creepy, but I marvel at and applaud the advances we have made.

The Human Side Of Immigration

I've checked out of sick bay and returned to the bridge. To be less dorky, I'm finally beginning to break the grip of the cold/flu that has kicked my ass for over a week. I'm glad to have the energy to do something besides drag myself to and from work. So, on that note...

I never (well, hardly ever) claim to have all the answers and the immigration issue is no different. I see valid reasoning on both sides of the argument. My maternal grandparents emmigrated from Ecuador and ,sixty-some years later, are still proud that they became American citizens. In a way I find undocumented workers disrespectful to my grandparents and all others who did it "the right way" . As always, the answer lies somewhere in between the two extreme sides of the argument. I know that we can't leave things as they are, but I also know it doesn't do much good to round up all the "illegals", toss them out and build a heavily armed moat. However, I will leave the problem solving to deeper thinkers than I. I want to talk about what I feel has been missing from most of the punditry, commentary, expertise, etc on this debate: Compassion.

I believe Chris mentioned it briefly in his post and a Washington Post columnist wrote about it today, but other than that I haven't seen much mention of the fact that the people we are talking about are just that: people. Most of the millions of undocumented workers who risk everything to even reach the States are decent hard-working people. They are simply trying to carve out a better life for themselves. While it is true that they can be a burden to the system, we musn't forget that these folks are humans, not some statistics to be manipulated. They have hopes, dreams and fears like the rest of us. They also have a stronger work ethic and kinder manner than a lot of US citizens I know.

I have worked closely with both Mexican and Chinese immigrants in the past. Most of them left their families for years at a time so they could earn higher wages. I've often heard one side of a tearful phone conversation as these guys spoke briefly with their faraway families. (I never understood much of the Chinese conversations, but you could get the gist.) I know that most of the guys worked long hours, lived in crowded apartments and and sent the bulk of their paycheck home. I don't think I would have the balls to leave my family, travel across an ocean or a dangerous desert just to work some crappy job. I respect them for that. I also always enjoyed talking and joking with them and listening to some of their stories of home. I think it helps to dig a little deeper and get some more of the story. Like a homeless person or a drug addict, these workers are not two-dimensional stereotypes. Now I'm not saying I'm going to throw money at every panhandler(far from it), but it doesn't mean I can't volunteer at a shelter or help a homeless guy get a warm meal in the dead of winter. Likewise with the undocumented workers; we must look a little deeper and convey our respect and dignity for these people who are looking to improve their lot.

This Is How Much I Love My Wife...

I love my wife so much that I, despite my better judgment, the 40 degree temps and howling winds, I stood in line outside with her for 35 minutes today. What for, you ask? Was it for concert tickets? A movie opening, perhaps? No, we joined the legion of morons standing in line to buy ice cream at the Grand Opening of the Coldstone Creamery in Salisbury. Amanda heard the ice cream was great and I'm always game for a sundae, so we rode up there to investigate. I wanted to make a u-turn as soon as I saw the line extending into the parking lot, but Amanda (whose patience is exponentially greater than mine) convinced me to stay. I couldn't believe how long the line was. I doubt the grand opening of a library or a museum would have attracted so much attention. So yes, in the time it took us to make our way through the line to place our order we COULD HAVE DRIVEN TO THE COLDSTONE CREAMERY IN OCEAN CITY and gotten our ice cream there.

But, surely Bryan, it was worth the wait wasn't it? After all, Coldstone Creamery has the greatest ice cream in all the land.

Riiiiiiiight. The fine folks at Coldstone could have won me over had the product lived up to advance billing. Alas, it did not. We had two different people make our cones(or waffle bowls or whatever the heck they call them), so we compared notes when we got to the register. Even though we ordered the same size, Amanda had at least twice as much ice cream as I did. (And it wasn't like she was overloaded, mine was woefully inadequate. ) But, like Killer likes to point out, society has become more accepting of incompetence so I kept my mouth shut. (My gut won't exactly miss the extra scoop anyway.) Then came the cherry-on-top of our trip: The total bill, even with our promotional buy one, get one free coupon, was $7.07. Which means one of two things-either the cashier didn't apply the discount properly or I PAID $7 FOR AN ICE CREAM CONE!

Finally, I would like to say that I am very fortunate that my life is going so well that this is the kind of thing that I bitch about. I know many people have real problems. I may in fact be the world's youngest curmudgeon. I simply wanted to point out that today I was King of the Morons.

Rest in Peace? Not If They Have Anything To Say About It.

I had seen news stories about the Westboro Baptist Church protesting soldiers' funerals before, but a news story this morning made me take a closer look. This Kansas group, spewing hateful words in the name of Christianity, is despicable. Basically they say soldiers' deaths and even 9/11 are payback from God because America is decaying morally(specifically by embracing homosexuality).

A sample of the signs you might see at their protests outside soldiers' funerals:
"Thank God for Dead Soldiers"
"Thank God for IEDs"
"Pope in Hell"
"America is Doomed"

Classy, huh? Now, I've got a lot of problems with these cranks, but my main beef is that they are doing this at the soldiers' funerals. The families have the right to grieve peacefully and lay their loved ones to rest without having to hear and see this crap. No matter what your beliefs are regarding the war in Iraq, the US military and America in general, I think we can all agree that these soldiers earn our support in life and deserve our respect in death for giving their lives in service to our country. (As a side note, I have always been grateful to those who serve voluntarily, in wartime and peace, so that I don't have to.)

Secondly, I can't stand the way these Kansas assholes use religion as a reason to be hateful and intolerant. One blogger I read said it simply and quite correctly when they called them a religious group masquerading as a hate group. I know surveying my family and friends that I would find quite a range of opinions on religion and, likely, on homosexuality. I imagine my beliefs fall somewhere in the middle of that scale. (For the record, I consider myself more religious and faithful than my church attendance record would indicate and it doesn't bother me one bit if someone is gay.) Anyway, my rant is losing steam. I just want to say that I don't think the loving, caring God I believe in really wants to kill young soldiers just because America is morally corrupt or whatever these Westboro Baptists are saying. If you are even remotely interested in this please click the link and then play the video that accompanies the news story so that you can get a feel for these nutjobs.

Playing Tag

Okay, I'll bite. Chris tagged me with this list. I got a kick out of it so I feel compelled to continue.

4 JOBS I'VE HAD:
-Busboy
-Weitzel Boy
-Glass Salesman/Estimator
-Tugboat Captain

4 MOVIES I CAN WATCH OVER AND OVER:
-Cool Hand Luke
-Mallrats
-Fight Club
-The Blues Brothers

4 TV SHOWS I LOVE TO WATCH:
-Pardon The Interruption
-Scrubs
-The Office
-Grey's Anatomy

4 PLACES I'VE BEEN ON VACATION:
-The Cayman Islands
-Orlando
-New Orleans
-Hilton Head Island

4 FAVORITE DISHES:
-Sesame Chicken
-Chicken Fried Steak( Because regular steak just isn't bad enough for me.)
-Chicken Chesapeake
-Any Cheeseburger

4 WEBSITES I VISIT DAILY:
-Washington Post.Com
-ESPN.com
-Google
-Comics.com

4 PLACES I'D RATHER BE:
-The Beach
-Camden Yards
-Any House of Blues
-Sea World

4 BLOGGERS I'M TAGGING:

Since Chris and the bloggers he tagged are about the only bloggers I know, I invite anybody who reads this to post your list in the comments section.

Bad Sport Hat Trick

Here's three gems, just in time for National Sportsmanship Day:

-Tony Skinn, a George Mason hoops player, punched a Hofstra player right in the ballbag during Sunday's game. Nice.

-I love good hockey fight, but this probably crosses some sort of line. Evgeny Artyukhin of the Lightning ripped off the helmet of Ottawa's Antoine Vermette during a fight and proceeded to beat Vermette with his own helmet. If anyone has seen video of this please point me in the right direction; it has to funny as hell.

-A French man is on trial for spiking the OJ and water of his daughter's tennis opponents with a powerful anxiety drug to make them sluggish. He is accused in 27 cases including the tragic death of one opponent who passed out at the wheel of his car, crashed and died after being drugged.

I was trying to think of some commentary to follow-up with, but I think these speak for themselves.

A Few Notes From The Week That Was:

- Tough break(literally) for the Carolina Hurricanes. Erik Cole, their second leading scorer and a high energy guy, has suffered a fractured bone in his neck and will miss the rest of the regular season and maybe beyond. It will be interesting to see if Carolina can continue to hold the league's best record without one of their big guns.

- Saw a pretty funny Miller Lite commercial where men run around mistaking falling rain for beer. The really funny part, of course, is the fact that Miller Lite is making fun of watered down light beers. Hey, I love Miller Lite, but it's no dark beer.

-One would think that Dancing With the Stars would have broken me of the reality TV habit, but no. This week I've become addicted to "Deal or No Deal? ". You know, the game show that NBC will run into the ground like ABC did to "Millionaire"? That's right, I'm still a loser.

-Natalie Portman, hot even with the short hair, was pretty funny on SNL this week. Check out her rap video/interview. While you're there check out the "Chronicles" and "Young Chuck Norris" videos, too. All very funny. http://www.nbc.com/Video/

Maximus Bryanus

Which action hero would you be?
This is kind of a fun quiz. My action hero alter ego is Maximus from Gladiator. Thanks to Steve for tuning me into the Quiz. Steve has a cool site, www.digitalreign.org. He has some funny insights and lots of awesome photos.
Check it out.

Time to Party?

Today is Fat Tuesday. In my case, this is the day between Fat Monday and Fat Wednesday. But New Orleans' case, the day is by no means mundane. It, along with all of Mardi Gras, is a time to celebrate all things New Orleans: the rich culture, the city's heritage, the city's diverse population. Amanda and I were discussing whether the Mardi Gras celebrations were appropriate given the state of the area post-Katrina. I thought the excess of the celebration might be a little disrespectful to all those who still have nothing. We ultimately decided that we thought it should go on. It can help the area normalize, can have a positive economic impact and in some ways can be therapeutic to the citizens. I then read some things online that made me think we were right. Residents likened cancelling Mardi Gras to cancelling Christmas after a tragedy; you just wouldn't do it. They also likened the last six months to a New Orleans Jazz funeral; it starts out somber, but eventually turns into a soulful, music filled celebration of life. Hopefully New Orleans is back on its way to being healed. This was one of the blogs that I read that had some of the positive comments. It is kind of interesting to read residents thoughts on the subject.

Countdown

I have recently been trying to watch more of MSNBC's Countdown with Keith Olberman(weeknights 8pm). He first came across my radar when he and Dan Patrick anchored the Sportscenter's Big Show in the mid-90's. They were hilarious together and really took the chemistry and banter to a new level when doing the highlights. Although, they were the forefathers of today's bloated, bad catchphrase, hype machine Sportscenter, so maybe I should hate Keith Olberman instead.

Anyway, on Countdown Olberman covers current events, odd stories and weird events with his sharp wit and slightly demented point of view. He is sarcastic, irritable and often very funny. Sometimes he is a bit sanctimonious and his views run more liberal than mine, but he makes me laugh and even sometimes makes me think. Check it out.

Bork, Bork-Go Crazy Sweden, You Just Struck Gold!

I wish that everyone that has been a casual hockey fan or who has even shown an interest in hockey could have watched Sunday's Olympic gold medal game featuring Sweden versus Finland. The game was so action-packed that I believe it could have converted many fence-sitters into full blown fans. I maintain that, unlike some sports, hockey is best when viewed in person. But if you can't be there live, then I think a game like yesterday's was the next best thing. It had a little bit of everything: Strong goaltending, wide open end-to-end action, a few big hits, smooth passing and a frantic Finnish finish.

The two young goaltenders, Antero Niitymaki and Henrik Lundquist, were tremendous. I can't remember any amazing, standing-on-their-head saves, but they made many tough saves through traffic using textbook positioning and quick reflexes. This type of goaltending is often overlooked and underappreciated. I was happy to see that Niitymaki's silver medal performance earned him tournament MVP.

I was also impressed with the energy of the two teams despite the fact that each was playing their eighth game in twelve days. Finland's Niklas (Don't call me Larry) Hagman was a hummingbird buzzing all over the ice all game long. Peter Forsberg belted Ruutu early in the game setting the physical tone. I love watching Forsberg play. He can score, deftly pass, deliver big hits and I'm not sure that there is a better stickhandler in traffic anywhere in the world. As fun as it is to see a player deek somebody out of their shorts, I prefer to watch a player like Forsberg dangle, cradle, tap and shield the puck as he picks his way through multiple defenders.

Most of all, the game was plain fun to watch. You had great players, a Finland TEAM (a novel approach don't you think USA and Canada?) not expected to play that deep into the tourney, loud chanting fans, and excellent coverage and production by NBC. I loved that the bronze and gold medal games were played without commercial interruption. Fewer TV timeouts=better flow= better hockey. I could also get used to waking up to live Sunday morning hockey. Apparently nobody watches the NHL in primetime; why not weekend AM games. Finally, the game had an exciting conclusion that wasn't decided until Sweden cleared their zone with just a few seconds to play. Since I had no rooting interest overall, I was pulling hard for Finland to tie it up, just so I could see some OT or even a shootout. The game was so great I wasn't ready for it to be over. So pass the swedish meatballs, the swedish fish and anything else remotely Swedish that I can moronically squeeze into this post. It's time to celebrate the gold.