Scope Me!

So I found out Wednesday that I need arthroscopic surgery to repair a torn meniscus in my left knee. On one hand, I'm relieved to solve the mystery of why me knee has been in intermittent pain (sometimes incredibly painful, sometimes just a little bothersome) for the last 6-8 months. After visiting a bunch of docs and being prescribed some apparently useless physical therapy I was finally permitted to get the MRI that revealed the tear. The medical system/insurance industry really ticked me off with this one, but that's beside the point.

The real point of this post is to solicit some information. I'm looking for first hand experience with meniscus tears. The doc says this is a minimally invasive procedure that has a very short downtime. I talked to a co-worker that had the almost identical injury and he said his recovery time (to resume most activities) was only about a week. He also said it was very cool to be able to watch, under light sedation, the camera trolling around in your knee. So I'm seeking others' experiences to see if their cases are similar.

(And Killer, I suppose this is justice about ten years later.)

Neato

I am by no means a car guy, but every once in a while something cool will cross my radar. My new favorite "vehicle that I'll never own" is Toyota's FJ Cruiser. Admittedly, I haven't checked out the performance specifics, but it looks damn cool in my opinion. Although, my wife tempered my enthusiasm a little when upon seeing it and its white roof she said it looked like a Mini-Cooper on steroids. Either way, its designed in the Land Cruiser tradition and was actually cheaper than I thought. (Base models start at around $22,000.)

Master of Disaster

Please, oh please, dear readers, tell me you saw ABC's Master of Champions Thursday night. I love TV and I love bad TV, but ABC may have succeeded in building one of the worst shows to ever reach the airwaves. The cheesy title is just the start. This show is what you might get if you had put Chuck Barris in charge of the Olympics. It makes David Blaine look like a Rhodes Scholar. I half expected to see Joe Romano, The Blond David Copperfield make an appearance.

The "competitors" were a 14-year-old girl who wields a bow and arrow with her feet while blindfolded, extreme unicyclists and breakdancing acrobats on spring stilts (One of whom was the 11-time World Power Tumbling Champion. Yeah, let that one sink in. Hilarious. Nice hard-working guy, I'm sure. But that's funny.) But by far the best/worst event was "The Master of Champions Cheese Grating Showdown". This event featured race cars with a cheese grater attached by suction cup. The drivers then "drift raced" around a block of cheese to see who could shave the most off. You can't even make this stuff up.

Some of the feats were actually athletic and interesting, but give me Stupid Human Tricks anyday. Besides it wasn't just the events that made this show so bad. The hosts, Chris "I can't stop shouting" Leary and former Playboy Playmate Lisa " I'm having trouble reading the teleprompter" Dergen added to the cheese. Throw in panelists Steve Garvey, camera mugging Johnny Mosely and former Olympic figure skater and master of broken English Oksana Baiul (who I swear was caught yawning by the camera) and you've got one hell of a party. Thursdays at 8pm. Tune in; you won't be sorry.

And don't forget Chris Leary's extremely creative show opening: "THEY'RE MASTERS. THEY'RE CHAMPIONS. WELCOME TO MASTER OF CHAMPIONS!"

Game 7

I know I'm a few days late on this, but I've been busy.

Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals was an amazing, fitting end to a fantastic Stanley Cup playoffs. During the game I was scribbling all sorts of notes so I could remember things enough to write a coherent post. Instead, I have decided to basically just list all the stuff that made Game 7, the entire playoffs, and hockey in general so damn cool.

Fernando Pisani: what a name and what a scoring touch.

Cam Ward: Edmonton native,22 years old, won the Conn Smythe Trophy and wasn't even the starting goalie when the playoffs began. His stretching pad save with a couple minutes to play saved the Canes season. He won more games (15) in the playoffs than he did in the regular season(14).

Dwayne Roloson carried Edmonton for three rounds. The Oilers were given no chance once he got injured in Game 1 of the finals. The rest of that team raised there level of play and made it a series. Gutsy.

The clean, freight train checks that both teams dished out. Lots of shots of guys hunched over barley able to reach the bench after being crushed.

Chris Pronger seemingly never leaving the ice.

Great traditions: playoff beards, the post- series handshake and skating the Cup around the rink.

Kevyn and Craig Adams,Carolina's grinders. Every championship team has unheralded, glue guys like those two.

The fans in both cities were spectacular. Edmonton's fans must be the loudest ever. I love how they sing aloud both the Star Spangled Banner and O, Canada. And Carolina's fans didn't sit down for the entire Game 7. very neat.

Of course, game 7 is always bittersweet because no matter how great it is, it is the last game of the season. Caps fans, be optomistic: Next season maybe they can jump up and make it three straight Cup winners from the Southeast (formerly worst in hockey) Division. (I can dream, right?

Is it October yet?

Mallrats

It's official: I'm old. On our way through the mall today to grab some greeting cards and some Chick-Fil-A we had to dodge these roaming packs of teenage mallrats. I haven't seen a collection of goofballs, hoodlums and half-wits like that since KNK Vending broke up. You had the redneck dudes wearing their uniforms of jean shorts, oversize t-shirts and bad beards.

Then you had the crew that looked like they were there for the Addams Family reunion; dyed hair, top hats, and even that T-shirt that reads "I'm the one your parents warned you about." How rebellious. There was even a guy that I hope was actually coming from a boxing match because he was wearing real Boxing trunks and boxing boots. All he was missing was gloves and a mouthpiece.

Last, but not least, let's not forget the teenage girls who dress like they are 35 not 15. Carrot Top has more material than the skirts some of these girls were wearing. I'll say it now even though I'll probably be made a liar in 15 or so years- If we have a daughter she will not leave the house dressed like that. Why on Earth does a 13-year-old need to wear high heels and a minikirt to the movies on a Saturday afternoon? If this all makes me a fuddy duddy at 31, then so be it. And while your at it, turn off that daggone rock n roll devil music will ya?

Cup Crazy

I don't care if hockey has become a niche sport. I don't care if I am one of 5 Americans watching the playoffs. Game 1 of the Stanley Cup Finals has been f-ing awesome! Huge hits, stellar set-ups, a big comeback, amazing saves, even a defenseman taking (and scoring on) a penalty shot; this game has had it all. And as I'm writing this there is still 15 min left in the game. At this rate I hope it heads for triple OT. Damn, it's great to have hockey back.

One Lame List

Bravo recently ran a special counting down the 100 funniest movies of all time. What a joke. You can check out the list on the link, but I'll run down a few lowlights for you:

*Police Academy, Meet The Parents and The Nutty Professor(Eddie Murphy Version) are all on the list.

*Slapshot(actually I'm surprised it got recognized at all), Ghostbusters and Blues Brothers all failed to make the Top 50.

*The Wedding Singer and Ace Ventura both made the Top Ten. Seriously.

*There are only two Mel Brooks movies on the list.

*Shrek was reasonably funny, but in no way shape or form is it the 3rd funniest movie of all time.

I'm pretty sure these people picked their top 100 in no particular order and then picked the rankings out of a hat. Either that, or they just don't know funny.

Awesome Dawson

Logged a little time, perhaps a little too much, with the Game Show Network this weekend. In doing so I caught some great Richard "Swinging Dick" Dawson action. In back-to-back episodes of Match Game 74 he was decked out in his pimp daddy uniform: turtleneck under sportcoat, medallion and cheesy moustache. Then I caught an episode of Family Feud where he was in full-on swinger mode. All ten players were women so he was laying on the jive pretty thick. When he had to send the losing team home he, of course, kissed all of them goodbye. Then the team leader wanted to give him another kiss "from the rest of the women in Kentucky". To which Richard replied-"tell them all I deliver until 3 am, darlin'. " Has a smoother man ever walked the Earth? I think not.

Redneck Rubberneckers

What is it that turns people into onlookers, bystanders, gawkers, rubberneckers? Amanda and I were outside tonight when we heard fire engines scream by one street over. The passing sirens proved too tempting so we hopped in the car and followed the billowing smoke plume that we spotted as soon as we turned the corner.

Was it simply curiosity or was it nosiness that pulled us into action? I certainly don't delight in someone else's misery(it was a business, by the way, and it sustained a bit of damage), yet without someone's misfortune there would have been no fire to excitedly chase. I'd love to think it's the journalistic instincts in me, but more likely it's just the fact that I wouldn't want "to miss out" or "not know what's going on". Of course, we were hardly alone in our pursuit. There were people flocking from everywhere. People taking pictures, mothers showing their children, and that one guy with the giant antenna on his truck who was probably sitting by his police scanner when he heard the call come over.

I do find it fascinating to watch the firemen do their job. I also always make it a point to drive or park away from the action to eliminate any possibilty of being in the way of any other arriving equipment. Some of my fellow gawkers are not so kind. I would hate to make a situation worse just because I had "to see what's going on".

We hardly ever do it, but when we do chase a fire engine, I always feel a little hinky about watching someone else's property burn.

Watch Out for Flying Pigs

He's not the first to make this suggestion, but Washington Post columnist Dan Froomkin has an interesting proposition for President Bush: Invite your critics, politicians or regular Joes, to debate you on the same stage. Break from the tired, scripted, made-for-tv debates and town hall meetings. I think it would be fantastic to see any politician, not just Bush, throw away the talking points and actually say something real, actually answer a question. Of course, I've seen enough real politics and watched enough West Wing to know this would never happen. Most debates and press conferences are as unscripted as WWF wrestling matches. In our sound-bite society politicians are afraid to say anything off the cuff that hasn't been scripted and examined carefully. I'm tired of politicians hand picking their softball questions. Let's see some real debate.

Where Have I Been?

So, I haven't posted in awhile. I thought about explaining that my job is a soul-sucking vampire that saps all my energy and creativity by the time I get home. I, however, have decided to tell what I've really been up to: I've been building an ark and filling it two by two with all the world's animals. Why? Because HURRICANE SEASON STARTS NEXT WEEK! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! After all, according to many headlines and newscast teases, now is the time to get ready. Don't be unprepared when disaster strikes! I have a feeling the hype-mongering talking heads in tv news will produce more wind and hot air than all of this season's hurricanes combined.

The hype machine is in full effect despite the fact that the "experts" are predicting this season to be milder than last.
Just a sampling of what I've seen:
A bad sign for the 2006 hurricane season: LA NINA IS BACK!

Expert has 'bad news', '06 could repeat '05.

My favorite: How would Palm Beach County cope if both a pandemic and hurricane hit?

Look, I know being prepared is good. I know much of Katrina's disaster was related to people being unprepared and general hurricane apathy. But this is simply one more way the tv news can drive up viewer anxiety. It boils down to this when preparing for a hurricane-Use common sense. Watch the weatherman, keep some batteries and supplies and be ready to evacuate if it heads your way. Of course, I won't have to worry about evacuating. We'll just batten down the hatches and hang out with the animals until it all blows over.

Life's Simple Pleasures, #42

Hearing the melodious notes of the ice cream man's musical truck at the exact moment you are thinking 'I could really go for some ice cream'.

This Week's Reason To Weep For America

Apparently, asking O.J. Simpson to fade quietly from the national conciousness is asking too much. Orenthal has produced a "Candid Camera"-like prank show dvd called "Juiced". Apparently, he punks people Ashton Kutcher-style including, in one sketch, posing as a car salesman selling a white Bronco by promoting its "escapability". Hilarious, no? This guy is unbelievable. What's sadder, however, is that I'm sure this steaming pile of dung will actually sell some copies. Oh, wait. Maybe I'm being too quick to judge; he's probably just going undercover in search of the real killers. Sorry, Juice. Carry on. Click here to read about it and watch a brief clip.

Life's Little Pleasures, #21

Hopping over the boards and hearing the ice crunch under your blades as you dig in and push off, scrambling to join the play.



Is it October yet?

Not-So-Tasty-Cakes

Okay, back to frivolous and ridiculous topics for posts. This post is based on an actual conversation my friends and I had some time ago. It was late, after a hockey game, there was probably beer involved.....

We somehow landed on the topic of urinal cakes. That's right, the pink, deodarizing, cylindrical thingies placed in men's room urinals to make them smell better and provide a target. Someone mentioned that such a product should not be labeled a cake because cakes are edible and delicious. (I submit that a urinal cake is neither.) Cupcake? Fine. Crab cake? Yummy. Birthday cake? Awesome. Urinal cake? Disgusting.

After much discussion (seriously) the only other inedible cake we could come up with was the soapcake and then we decided the urinal cake should be known as a urinal puck. So, I need some info: What else are urinal cakes called? What would be a better name? And for the sake of trivial discussion, are we missing any inedible cakes?

P.S. If the brain power of this group of friends could be harnessed for good instead of silliness we could change the world.

Darfur

Every once in a while a serious issue that bears talking about crosses my radar. Amanda hipped me to some of the websites regarding the atrocities occurring in Darfur. I have little tolerance for most celebrity causes, but I guess I'll give Oprah and George Clooney a little credit for trying to bring attention to what's going on over there. Government associated militias have basically declared war on the citizens leaving thousands dead or homeless. Murder, rape and kidnapping have become the norm. One story told of how the children walk from village to village at night because if they stay in their own village they'll be kidnapped and pressed into fighting. Another recounted how women will leave the village to do chores because they decide that getting raped is the better alternative to their husbands being murdered. Nice trade, huh?

http://www.invisiblechildren.com/ and http://www.savedarfur.com are two sites that give further background and show what some people are trying to do about the problem. Unfortunately, the only real solutions put forth (besides trying to raise "awareness") have been to send postcards to the President and Congress. Sounds like a drop in the bucket, yet I don't know what else we as individuals could do.

AHA! (Warning:Sarcastic Conspiracy Theory That I Don't Really Believe Alert)

I've finally figured it out. The whole oil/gas price "crisis" is nothing more than an elaborate plot to get Americans to drive slower. On our way to Baltimore we passed numerous state-run electronic highway signs that read "Slower Speed Saves Gas". What's next, raising the price of barbecued ribs so we'll cut down fewer trees for napkins?

Proof Americans Are Stupid:

Robin Williams' new movie, RV, was the top-grossing movie this weekend. Seriously? Has anyone seen the commercials for this dog? I remember a time when Robin Williams was funny, but there is no way this isn't the worst movie of all-time.

Life's Little Pleasures, #37

Shouting "O" with 30,000 of your closest friends during the National Anthem at Camden Yards.

Although, I was a bit dissapointed that the Anthem was sung in English. I thought for sure the "Nuestro Himno" would have debuted by now. Kidding, of course.

My lightsaber is bigger than yours.

Thanks to Steve for sending me the link to this Star Wars fan film. It's kind of cool. I'm posting it for my fellow Star Wars geeks. (I wear the label proudly. ) However, if you don't have at least some interest in Star Wars you should probably pass. For instance, I think Amanda was very bored, very early. She didn't make it through the second minute of the five minute movie short. Anyway, enjoy.